Help me thru this sitch

[Pudmuddle]

Well, here is today's journal. He seems to be in a better mood around me, talking more about work stuff and stuff we need to work on the house to sell it and unclutter our lives with junk. That still makes me edgy as it seems he is still moving forward with his goal to separate. I can't tell if he is happy because of the changes in me, or because of his impending date this weekend with OW.

I made dinner in a crockpot, which I hope to him was an "act of service". I did it because I wanted to and I wanted to see if an AOS would tickle his love language. Then we talked after dinner just about work/house stuff. He asked me about the Halloween party I am going to by myself and what I was going to wear. curious? not sure. He seems to be more comfortable asking me to do things or talking in general with me because I now do not react immediately or get defensive.

Later when he came into my room to get some extra laundry, I asked him "Would you consider reading a book?" and he said "which one?" and I showed him the 5 Love Languages book, and he said "Sure, I guess" and kind of flipped it back on the bed at me. So after I was done rereading certain chapters, I went and put it on his bedside table, he wasn't in his room.

I was delighted in my heart to see that he was willing to read the book! Especially since he really never has been a reader. But I did not get overly ecstatic or joyful, just played it cool. Then this morning he seemed to be in a really good mood, joking around with me and happy. So I am still not sure if he is really trying for us yet, or if he thinks he is getting his way with the OW and with me at this point. However, I remind myself to take the small positive steps for what they are.

This morning I noticed that the book was no longer on his nightstand, so it's good that he at least touched it! LOL

I think he thinks too that if we are not talking about our R that things must be ok. Normally I am always the one to initiate R talks because something is bothering me or I can tell if it is bothering him. So it is hard to wait for him to want to open up about anything! I need quality conversation!!!!!!!! Does he think that I no longer care because I am not spewing words and feelings at him anymore?? Will he eventually open up and tell me what he wants? Or will we just live like this forever, together but separate. Ugh. Someone slap me some patience.