Now I've done it...again #5

[nephartiti]

Thank you so much everyone.

Well, I guess this is HMO therapy for you. The appointment felt a little rushed, actually. I felt like she had already made up her mind and wasn't really listening to me at times. I really just wanted that referral to the Anger Mgmt group. I'm hoping I can take something away from that. Casey, this was my first visit since July.

As far as the meds, I think she may be right. I think I have been struggling for some time, even before I had the baby. I have just been stubborn and adamant that I can "fix" it without meds. Don't get me wrong. I'm not miserable all the time, but I feel unstable and unpredictable. Well, that's normal for someone in my sitch, I guess. I just feel that the waves are still very fierce at times. The real indicator is that I feel out of control. The meds are supposed to be short-term-6 months.

Still waffling on this. Maybe I need that kick start, as Casey puts it.

TOH,
Thank you for stopping by.
My H still denies there is/was an A. He finally admitted that there was a "friendship" but it "fizzled" out. He admits he made bad choices and would have "done things differently". However, that has not brought him home.

My H started coming home late, stopped answering his cell. Stood the kids up for a couple of outings (that was the big indicator for me that something was wrong). Then I found the phone bill. He lied that it was a male co-worker. When I found that to be untrue. He said it was another male co-worker. Finally he admitted it was a woman "friend" but would not tell me anything else. I demanded no contact. He said ok. Then I caught him on a pay phone. He did not come home on several different nights. I sat outside his school and watched him drive away. After he had left, he sent me a text that he was in a meeting. I sat outside the school several times. One time he was there, but his van was not. Another, I saw him come out with a woman, talked at the van for a few, went into his van, waited for her to get her her car and drive away, pulled out after her. There are lots of restaurant charges for dinner for two. The day after he left he got a new cell phone to just call OW (20 times in one day). When he left, he said he was staying at his Aunt's. After 2 weeks, I found out he hadn't spent one night there. Told everyone he was staying with a male co-worker, but no one had seen, heard, or met him. I still don't know where he is staying.

H, however, has an excuse/explanation for everything. It is pointless to try and get him to admit. I am a recovering snooper, and have not checked on him, except for the bank account since he confessed that the "friendship" was a mistake. I don't know if it has really fizzled out.

It is very hard to carry on. I really didn't think my H would stay away this long. I especially didn't think he would frequently go 2 weeks without calling/seeing his kids. As time goes by, I find that this new life is becoming "routine" and "normal". When H is here, it is awkward. Then he leaves, and we all have to re-adjust. It is hard for me. It is hard for S2. When he is completely gone for over a week, it starts to get easier again. It's the back and forth that drives me crazy and hurts so much.

I don't think he's coming back. Each time he comes a little, he pulls back farther. What choice do I have but to carry on?


Today is his first day back to work. Now that he actually has real obligations outside the family, I expect to see/hear from him even less.

I'm pretty sure it is over.