I'm not sure why you think H thinks things are OK. He is staying in the marriage, but that does not mean he thinks things are OK. After all, you are staying in the marriage, but you don't think things are OK.
H had an A. H has had is other extracurriculars whether you want to face that fact or not. H would not want his children to have an M like yours. I'd say that H is NOT OK with the M.
Simply because he does not want to work on the M the way that you would like him to (or work on it at all) does not mean he is OK.
Why is he there? Maybe for the kids. He may well be a WAH with his plan well-baked just biding his time. Seems like it to me.
When are YOU going to take responsibility for your own happiness, set some boundaries, and actually ENFORCE them. If you don't want someone who treats you like H as your life partner, then quit accepting it.
You being "lost for years" is really your choice. You are young, beautiful, sexy, smart, engaging, vibrant, blah blah blah. If you don't want to be alone, you will never be alone.
One thing I can promise you is that your life will be exactly the same a year from now unless you do something to change it. Either that, or H will change it for you by leaving again when he finds an A he wants to stick with.
How afraid are you of being alone versus being afraid of admitting that H and OW may have been right about some things?
