Man, it has been a strange couple of weeks. I have not posted on my sitch in a while, because it seems to be going all over the place.
W is going from friendly to cold several times a week.
I have been a good boy, detached, GALed, not discussed our R or OM in several weeks, poss several months even. I have looked after myself health wise, and pretty much gotten myself back emotionally to when we first met (confidence wise etc).
W is really friendly, and is speaking to me in softer tones, and will not instigate any arguments (regardless of the incident, eg can't pick up DD due to my work, having to travel at short notice etc etc). Mind U, I have not slackened off in regards to the upbringing of DD, and have bent over backwards to make things easier for W, but she has been more tolerant of my work commitments than before.
W is struggling financially since we split all the living costs and bills. I have helped her by paying for certain things that she cannot afford, and paying for everything in regards to DD etc. Payed a huge amount for DD's catered birthday party this Sunday (28 kids at $40 a pop). Booked out the local "Wave" pool, for a pool party (huge pool with mechanical waves, just like a surf beach).
I find that although she is really friendly, she has trouble looking at me when we do converse, often looking down, doing something during conversation. I was going to a work function (black tie) yesterday, and DD kept going on how good I looked, W could not look at me.
She has gone back to staying away from the house (after work or weekends, even when she is looking after DD), eventhough there is no threat for her, as I am usually doing my own thing, or out GALing. She has the space and privacy to relax at home whenever she want's, with no hassle from me, but prefers to keep her candle lit at both ends, and keeps busy visiting. It appears that she needs to be with her friends (or OM), or have company (other than DD) to make herself feel better, I don't know.
Anyway, sorry for the ramblings, It is just a little confusing for me. I will continue with my approach, as I think W may be having some sort of emotional struggle, possibly????
Sounds like your life is at least calm. That is a good thing by itself. I'm sure if I had seen you in the tux I wouldn't have been able to take my eyes off of you. Everyone's different. Perhaps she thinks if she looks you in the eye she will be spellbound by you. Could happen. I've seen those vampire teeth!
Maybe if she can't look at you, especially when you are all dudded up, she's realizing how attracted to you she still is and kicking herself. I know after my H dropped the D bomb, I all of a sudden realized how very attracted to him I still was and how sexy I found him. I was absolutely kicking myself for having let the M go as far down the tubes as it had and was now losing my H. I think we end up taking our spouses for granted a lot of times and they are "just" husband or wife and we don't "see" them the way we did when we married them b/c they are there 24/7. Until something drastic happens and then sometimes we're like woah, I still truly love this person the same way I did way back then, what the heck happened to our M?
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
LuvMyHusband Me: 41 H: 43 ch: 3 M: 7+ T: 10+ Bomb: EA 8/07, A over phone/net 10/07 Seperated: 9/07 H ended A/EA with OW again on 1/2008 Reconsile: 3/26/2008, H admitted PA
I do sense that she is really uncomfortable and confused about her life, especially with me still in the picture. Sort of "Out of sight, out of mind" is the way she is handling things.
Also, not wanting to spend any time alone, or alone with DD, stops her from thinking about the past. If she can keep herself busy enough, she will not think about things too much.
Until something drastic happens and then sometimes we're like woah, I still truly love this person the same way I did way back then, what the heck happened to our M?
Unfortunately by the time I realized this, H was already walking away, adding more injury to the M.
Thanks for the update andy. Wow the catered party, that is one massive party.
PS: H stays away a lot (even during the day). There is nothing threatening here as well, I don't follow him around with a M book, in fact I usually leave or stay on a different floor, without it being obvious.
I understand where you are coming from. The problem with W is that she has caused so much damage for herself with her family and mine, that I don't think she can ever get into a frame of mind of coming back. She is so stubborn and has the biggest ego, that she would rather continue on this path than admitting that she may have been wrong.
She also knows that what she has done I will find really hard to forgive (re PA with OM). I remember when I told her several months ago that "things happen" and that I would always forgive her, she responded with "Yeah, sure you will" (sarcastic tone, as she knows me too well).
Also, I am pretty scared that if she does decide to come back, how will I react? Sure I am there for her now, knowing she is not coming back, but what happens when I am placed in the drivers seat when she decideds that she does want to come back into the R? That is what scares me the most.
Beggars can't be choosers, but what happens when the beggar becomes the chooser?
H has told me "I don't know why you are bothering trying to forgive me, you never will."
Quote:
Beggars can't be choosers, but what happens when the beggar becomes the chooser?
Wow!! I think this happens when the WAS comes back too late, and the BS has already pushed on and can't come back. Being the 'chooser' is such a far away option for me, I can't even imagine being the chooser.....
Like I mentioned in an earlier post, the staying away part of our S's even when there is no tension in the house sort of makes me think that they are still very confused with their feelings towards us. The less they see and interact with us the easier it is for them.
