so he is telling me this why? because this woman (I'll call her 'Loopy') is threatening to "f*ck him over" and ring his wife and tell her everything. so being the nice guy that he is, he is ringing me to forewarn me in case she does call.
I don't know if you want to hear this or if I should say this, but when I read this, I had a flashback.
You probably have not read my whole situation, but I am the daughter of a MLCer (I know, lucky me - I have been through this fun twice). My dad's girlfriend made the same threat to my dad and my dad called my mom and warned her. At that time, my mother did not know about the OW (I did). The OW carried out the threat and did call my mom. It was ugly.
CMC, honey - please don't excuse away any of this with your H. You really have no idea what he is doing, what he is thinking, etc. You don't know what his relationship is with anyone right now. It may be nothing, but in all honesty, it may be something. Please don't be blind to something because you don't want it to be true.
As far as the concert, why would you consider taking him? You really answered your own question. You don't really want him to go, so why invite him. You also said that you want out - so why continue any kind of R with him, except what you need to have with your D?
Don't overthink it. If you don't want him to go, make plans with someone else. If he is hurt/angry/crushed or whatever, that is his problem, not yours. I know he is a person who is hurting as well, but you really need to focus on yourself now...and your D. From the little bit that I have read - you have focused a great deal on him in the past, even before all of this started. It is time to shift that focus and detach from him. It can be done, even with a D.
And, where do you get off calling yourself damaged goods? Why in the world do you think that you're damaged? Who has convinced you of this?
It takes strength and courage to deal with a spouse who leaves. It takes strength and courage to continue mothering a child who is probably hurting as a result of her parent leaving.
You are doing this. How does that make you damaged?
