Just to clarify neph, Loopy was never an OW. She was a weight training buddy who saw a nice guy who would listen to her and she unloaded her issues onto him. He thought he could help her but got sucked into spending too much time helping her and not enough time thinking of me and d and himself. It seemed he was addicted to helping other people even though he has said that's one of the reasons he doesn't want to be with me (becuase he feels like he has to be my father). I guess the worst I could classify this friendship was an EA. Loopy is either manic depressive or schizophrenic, I forget which, but is seriously in need of more help than h could ever give her. When I did find out that he had been helping her and not spending that time with me or working on our relationship I was pretty upset. I could see that she was leaning on him way too hard and that soon she would be pestering him to get into a relationship with her. She has now moved away but is obviously still hooked on him. If ever I find out there was more than just an overhelpful behaviour on his part and he did something to lead her on (and I'll be the decider on what I think is leading on behaviour - not him) that will be one of the final nails in the coffin to me trusting him and he will no longer be my friend.
I did also tell him this morning that one of the main reasons we are separated is becuase he knows everything about me yet he keeps so many parts of himself secret and private. I said as a wife I have a right to know him better than anyone else and by him holding back information in an effort to protect me (or him) is still dishonesty. And when the truth in its entirety does eventually come out, my trust in him is whittled away some more. I said it a little differently than the way I've typed it out here but the bottom line gist was "I can't stand that you keep things from me and throw out little bits of info as you see fit. You don't realise that when the whole truth comes out, it looks like you have lied."
Please keep 2x4'ing me but also think of h as a human being. He is hurting too and is obviously confused. I do want to preserve a friendly relationship because we have a daughter and I dearly love his family. I just don't want to get intimate with him and risk myheart again without serious assurances that he has changed.
