*sigh* He called me at 6.20am this morning becuase he needed to tell me something. I hate it when he says that...it's never bloddy good.
this chick he was helping earlier in the year (overhelping in my book - though he swears he wouldn't get involved with her becuase she had too many issues) has seemingly gone off the deep end becuase h has not responded to her advances (or maybe he did a while ago and then backed off....I'm pretty sure she's gotten the wrong message somewhere along the line and h is claiming and entirely believing his innocence).
so he is telling me this why? because this woman (I'll call her 'Loopy') is threatening to "f*ck him over" and ring his wife and tell her everything. so being the nice guy that he is, he is ringing me to forewarn me in case she does call. Great. Now I'm thinking about that waaaay too much. I know that if she does call I need to not listen to anything she says (though if she leaves a message should I keep it for evidence??) and I will tell her that I don't want to listen to anything she has to say and if she calls again I will report her to the police.
Bottom line is, I don't really think she will call. However, now I'm on tenterhooks waiting to see if she will call (this is me showing how addicted to drama I am) and I'm peeved that h felt he needed to tell me. He also told me that Loopy is peeved that he is starting to date another woman that she knows and as such is doubly rejecting Loopy. I interrupted (too late) and said that I don't want to know what Loopy thinks about you and 'new potential'. I'm p1ssed that he has to lay on the other layers of information that just upset me. I want him to hurt. I want him to take a damn good look at himself and look deep inside and work on HIMSELF before getting involved with other women. I want him to work on himself and when he is not working on himself I want him to spend time with our d.
One good thing that he said was that I was right all along in terms of telling him that he can't help other people (eg Loopy) at the expense of not looking after himself.
However, I don't deserve to let myself get drawn into upsetting conversations that early in the morning. I tried to end the call a couple of times but he begged me to tell him what I started to say. I ended up severely in tears and late for work.
the way I see it is in this relationship I am prepared to look at things differently and try adn change the way we do things (lots of backsliding involved, but that's to be expected) yet for h he'll try a little bit and if it backfires then he backs off and withdraws compleletely. I don't believe he has really tried to look at himself or really tried to work on our relationship. He is relying on external factors to make him feel better. He has been expecting that everything he does makes sense to me and I feel like my feelings/needs don't matter unless they make him feel better.
I'm mad. I need to detach. I need to not care if Loopy calls me. How to I switch off and deal with this *if* it even occurs???
HElp!
Should I have cut him off and told him I didn't want to hear it? I originally thought that when he started to tell me she was going off at him that he was going to go and visit her to 'straighten her out' which would have meant breaking our family date tomorrow. So, when I realised that wasn't the case I was a little relieved, but now that I have reflected on teh conversation I'm peeved that he rang me at all. Aren't I a big enough girl to look after myself? I think he was just protecting himself (again) by saying she'll say a lot of stuff, but some of it isn't true (and I won't know what's true and what's not).
About an hour later once d was dressed and ready for school she was at a loose end so I talked to her about what options we had for our family time tomorrow. I told her to call daddy with her wishes (probably shouldn't have contacted him) so she did and then he wanted to talk to me. I said I was busy getting ready for work (which I was, I was running late) but he insisted d give me the phone so I took it. He asked if I was okay, I said 'I'm trying to get ready for work" he said, 'that's not what I meant, are you ok?", I said "I'm fine, I'm just trying to get ready for work, I'm running late", he said "Well if that's the way you're going to be, don't worry about it." I tried to back pedal (stoopid) and repeated that I was running late. He just didn't seem to get that while I may have still been peeved at him, I didn't have time to talk and then he gets all hurt because I dont' want to talk to him. Then I feel bad that I have been dismissive. this morning though I just kept sticking to my 'I'm late' explanation but he still seemed to get peeved with me. what am I doing wrong in these conversations?
