The Good, the Bad, and the Funny Part 5

[mkultra]

Today was H's birthday. Oddly, the first one where we are not friends in 23 years! I went ahead and wrote out the story of his birth on a post it and put it on the card my D6 made. She drew a party with all of us together along with his aunts. Very cute. The thing is he may never see the story because it is on the back of a drawing she made. Very cute. He gets the day off automatically from his state job so I reckon he spent the day with his whore. Well, that is what she is and so is he. I kind of hate them.

My D6 met with her shrink. We went over all her issues. Saying her daddy's mistress looked like an 8 year old. Calling him dead. Praying to Jesus. Wow, my little girl is kind of messed up. I guess in a normal way. She is still happy and loving and kind. Not angry or depressed. So that is a plus.

I did run into my H. He was early at the sitters for my dark pick up. Is that an accident? I stayed dark in the car. And took off. I know I should have lightened up. The dark is just more of the same from before our separation. I gave him way too much space when he got depressed and angry , he eventually became verbally abusive. The more angry he got, the less he saw me. Now he cannot see me at all. Sigh.


I noticed our marriage vows when I started burning his CDs into my computer today. I had never seen them before. He kept them tucked away in his CD magazine. There were like 6 pages, he must have rewritten them over and over. They are really touching. He wrote, "I am so proud that you will be standing next to me today as my wife. I will love your for the rest of my life." He also had some pics from our honeymoon. Damn, how could he ever deny how in love we were? ( Well, I guess it easy to rewrite histroy when your wife stops sleeping with you.) Whoa. Those vows take me back to my wedding day ten years ago. His whore could have been a flower girl she was so young. Gross.

Do you think I could get that feeling again? Maybe with someone new? Is it too much to ask for to have another soul mate? Are we separated folks just destined to be alone and just to settle?