Hey FLTC, I would listen to Caftan. Let go of the control. Remember your 180s. Being a controlling person is too intimidating for a W. It can be a turn off and misconstrued quite quickly if there is a divorce settled in court. Also, two of the bad things about snooping are 1. we never like the info anyways, it never contributes to DBing, and 2. it breaks down trust on both ends.
In re: to her Boss, that is way out of your control and you cannot guilt someone back into a R if your are trying for a reconciliation. A lot of this stuff seems unforgivable but it really isn't if we see it from their POV. They are lost and confused just like us. What would we be willing to do to save our marriage and what would they be willing to do to be free of marriage. If someone wants out you cannot convince them otherwise because it makes them defend their battle more intensely. If you are truly DBing then you are focusing on yourself and remaining as positive as possible as though you were the pillar of strength, the foundation, the lighthouse for the waves to crash upon you. If they are weak, then you stay strong. I am sorry your kids are so far away.
You mentioned tha the kids know nothing except havinh their family. I think about this also. I think how my Son is only two and how could he even remember a time when his father and I were ever in love or even sat at a dinner table together. He yelled out for my H to kiss me goodbye a while back like it was intrinsic for a father to love a mother. Nothing can convince him otherwise. How do they know? It is like a basic law of life to have an intact family however, we must do what we can to start new family traditions if we are separated and divorced. We cannot live in some LaLa Land of shoulds.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
