As you may recall, I did try being business partners with my 2bx and it didn't go very well. The sad truth was that our ability to communicate with each other was so poor that we couldn't even do business meetings with each other. We were like toddlers engaged in parallel play.
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Back to Mojo (and I do appreciate the round-and-round you're going through): ask yourself this-- not that the answer will make your sitch any clearer... what if your H quit jobs, lay in bed all day, criticized your housekeeping, refused affection and sex because of a traumatic brain injury? Would you feel any more or less guilty about D? (There's NO right answer... I'm just curious how it would feel to you to cast it in a different light?)
I suppose it would depend on the possibility for recovery. If there was no possibility for recovery then it would be as if I was married to a stranger forever on and I would feel sad but not guilty about divorcing. The other difference with my situation is the fact that I really didn't make a fully rational choice to marry my 2bx. I was in no way, shape or form anticipating marrying anyone I might be dating at age 22. I was nauseous and sleeping 12 hours a day with first trimester pregnancy hormones up the ying-yang. Also, it was a situation where I wasn't asking myself "Is this the man I want to marry?" but rather "Is this the boy who will become a man to whom I will want to be married?". It was absolutely clear to me that my 2bx wasn't fully mature but I gave him some slack because he was only 24.
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MHO it would have been MORE selfish for you to stay with him in order to avoid feelings of guilt than it was to take the brave leap of casting off the task of fixing him and leaving him alone with himself.
Well, I think it's kind of moot because I just wouldn't have been capable of staying with him much longer. In the months before we separated I was having fantasies about just living as an anonymous person in an anonymous highway rest area because it would be so restful.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
