I could name all of you I have read the threads and I am sorry for those who had a bad week and happy for those that had good news.
Just journaling:
I went away for a couple of days but we still kept in touch for other day to day issues. I could calm down and until last night I could rest and lessen the pain.
Yesterday was my birthday and he convinced me that he wanted it to be a special day and open this door for him.
When I arrived home he gave me a lot of presents from my favorite store. I thanked him, hugged and kissed him and he started crying. I asked him why and he said he was just emotional.
Well, it was part a disaster part enlightening.
He promised he would leave work early to spend time with me and have dinner at one of my favorites restaurants. Then he got caught up with something, planned his time wrong and got stuck in the traffic. Got here one hour before our reservation. No need to say that by living in a 17 million people town it would be impossible to get there in time.
By the time that he arrived I was numb and couldn't talk to him. He then tried to apologize, explained saying he wanted me to be understanding and that he was coming home thinking we could wait in the bar if our reservation was blown. I just stared and said nothing. by this time he started to get mad at me. I told him I wouldn't keep up with this behavior and left the room. He came after me and we had a long talk about the questions I wanted answered, about commitment, about priorities. I said that if the marriage was a priority right now, he would have to show in little gestures and understand that I would not tolerate nothing less. May be I was petty but at this point I have an extreme fear he will understand my comprehension as coping with his mistakes as he felt in the past. He told me cried when he gave me the presents because my eyes were cold. We agreed on ground rules, I told him exactly what I felt and we moved on. He agreed to my boundaries and said he would work on that.
Well we ended up going to dinner. This is were it gets frustrating. When we were coming home he started to tell me about this person he is hiring. He said he wanted someone that would be trustful and faithful and nothing less. I could not believe I was hearing this, so he wants it to him but can not give it to others. Immediately after he told me that I could see he sensed he did not say the right thing. I said to him then in the sweetest voice: Yes, it is hard if you cannot trust one or be staggered in your back. Don't need to say did not sleep well and the nightmares returned.
Today, I talked to my therapist and she said it would be a good idea to write down the feelings, the rules and the action plan we agreed on submit to him by email and ask him to think about it and make his decision in writing.
Guess what happened. He read it but said he could not reply because he was feeling bad about some conflict with a business partner. He was showing more remorse towards this business situation than he ever showed on what happened to us. I just gave him a couple of suggestions professionally and did not say anything else.
Now I am just thinking weather he is a pathologic narcissistic guy, can't tell him to go to counseling as he already is. Feel guilty on whether I showed coldness in my eyes. And keep wondering what it takes to make him absorb that I want commitment to our marriage and will not keep up with him prioritizing anything else.
Truly don't know how to act. Don't want to nag him about the email. Guess I will just have to keep GALing. I am thinking on telling him to leave for a couple of weeks to give me further space to think about my life. Is it wrong at this point after laying down the rules? Will he interpret it as me giving away?
