btw: I wasnt suggesting to bring it up. I thought you specifically were asking, "if he asks, should I be honest?"
and my reply to that is, "if he asks, i think you should be honest"
great idea on "no kneejerk reactions". you're probably better off, not thinking about pre-canned responses too deeply. because you might be overly tempted to pull out one of your preselected responses, rather than reply to what he is specifically saying at the time.
Maybe just be prepared emotionally, in a broad sense, for possible areas.
Last edited by Dom R; 10/25/0708:01 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
I know you weren't saying bring it up. I've actually never been dishonest about it, just non-committal. drives my h crazy because he's used to me being an open book, while keeping his life completely closed. interesting point about canned responses. I think I'll have some at my fingertips, but still rely on sips of water and such to slow me down, not to mention being okay with telling him I need time to process.
looking forward to continuing my book, too. hopefully will have more confidence once I've finished it.
okay, big proud here, folks. his amex came today and I AM NOT OPENING IT TILL SUNDAY.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
The book that your reading is called "Crucial Conversations"? I thought that I was familiar with all of the self help relationship books (pathetic, isnt it), but I haven’t heard of this one. I believe every conversation with W is crucial and would like to be as focused as possible before them. Let us know if you come upon any pearls.
Me-46;W-42 Together 23 yrs Married 16 S11 S8 S6 02/10/03 Her 1st affair 10/01/06 Sep Bomb 01/01/07 Sep Begins 03/09/07 Her 2nd affair
hiscott, you might have missed it because its not strictly about relationships. crucial conversations can be applied to all areas of life where conversations have high stakes/are crucial...business, interpersonal, relationship, etc.
its a really interesting read, especially someone like me who definitely turns to flight or fight when confronted.
I've thought about typing out some passages, but I swear, there are so many at this point I'd practically be typing out chapters. lol. and I'm still early in! but will try to do some later tonight. I really can't recommend this enough.
Last edited by morgan; 10/25/0708:29 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
morgan: one almost totally off-topic comment, that maybe you can file away for future reference:
with the big thing about money,and him not depositing the stock... the next time he says, "I'm sorry, i'll fix it today"... I suggest that you LET HIM!
if you werent feeling fussed up about money, then things would be a teenie bit easier for you right now, as far as keeping yourself emotionally level and calm, i think. granted, you have other things to worry about. but one less, is one less.
SO.. just a thought for next time
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
dom, yep, saying okay, put that puppy in the bank would have been the smart thing to do. I'm such a wimp sometimes, don't want to make a fuss and all that nonsense.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I will get that book ASAP. I tend to become passive aggressive in conflict. I giggle or joke when I get nervouse and I can be a real beotch when I sense conflict. In re to H, I just want to flee. Wich is a real role reversal because it used to me that pursued convos now he is always hunting me down for convos. Yucky. I am also 0 for 4 in breaking up bar fights! Can't get no respect!
Last edited by mkultra; 10/25/0711:57 PM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
mk, I think I was sold on it when I started it and they were talking about how people tend to flee from conversations that are high stakes (me) or fight, but not in a productive way. an example given was about a couple (there are examples pertaining to business, relationships, etc) and the wife dives right for the snark and sarcasm. yep, me again. if I don't flee, I become unproductive and resort to sarcasm. both detrimental, to say the least.
if you get it, let me know how you like it. I am really loving it, even though I do snicker at self-help language still (can't help it, I swear its better than names of porn movies). I just finished a part that talks of The Pool of Shared Meaning. sorry, just cracked me up. but it makes sense, what they are writing about. absolutely makes sense, but oh the names.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I know what you mean! I never thought I would wander the self help aisles at any bookstore or library! But alas, the heart and mind have really nothing original anymore. We are products of our environment so let's make it a nice one.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
