You actually are following the typical path for someone that is going through this process. I wouldn't say it's DB in the sense that you "try something else" or that you focus on yourself. You aren't the first guy who felt that dragging his feet and demanding counseling was fighting for his marriage. Yeah, it's fighting, but it's pretty much ineffectual because you are keeping your wife focused on the negative, controlling aspects of you, rather than letting her see the positive aspects. That's why she points out your faults so much...because she has to keep convincing you why you aren't right for her.
So, what I see in your posts: 1) You focus on what she is doing to the family a lot and basically on her negatives. Does that give you time to work on yours? She is doing this because she thinks it's right, just like you think saving the marriage is right. It comes down to a difference of opinion. Know how to change her mind? Show her a guy that she wants to be with.
2) You are still very bitter and angry about her decision. You need to tone that down. Try to see things from her perspective. It isn't all about hurting you...it's running from what she sees as a hopeless situation. Can you accept that she feels this way? Is it possible for you to be kind and compassionate despite how this is shaking out?
3) It isn't giving up when you don't drag your feet. It's trying to move the D from front and center and give her the opportunity to see you for the person that hopefully you are trying to be. It's taking the spotlight off the nastiness and letting her look at you again. When she gets a lawyer and is forced to make you quit dragging your feet (which, by the way, looks controlling to her and is all about winning), she will have the nastiness of this whole thing front and center, especially when you lawyer up to get your kids as much as possible. Believe me, it's better to save the relationship first and then worry whether you have a piece of paper that says, "divorced", on it.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
