It sounds like you guys are both all wound up, and just setting each other off. xh and I did this stupid dance for months.
Oh, I know about the panic thing. I do it, too. Trying to break my habit of just freaking out and hanging up on him. (Did it again just a week or so ago. Ugh.)
Ok, here's an idea. Try laying aside the blame. Think about it this way...it's not all your W's fault. (I know how badly you want to point the finger and say "But she left!!") You're both people who made mistakes. Right now, you're just escalating each other. So...why not be the first one to stop that cycle?
Try focusing on the positives instead. What do you like right now about your W?? She is going to a T. She has said she will go to Retro. Those two things tell me that she's not totally closed off from you. What else is there that's great about your W?
