You both claim you had no intentions of malice when you entered into what you did. But just as your disease has taken something from you what you participated in with my husband has taken something from me. You can walk around with your head high, holding banquets and raising money for studies on the disease you’ve acquired while I suffer in silence with the affliction put upon me by the actions of two foolishly selfish adults.
I will never believe my husband returned to me for me. I will never trust that you are not still in his thoughts and his heart. That time is still in mine and I was not one of the fools in love risking it all. You once said to me that we all married the wrong people…that you had a connection…my husband claimed the same things in different words. The two of you robbed me of a different life. Yes an ignorant life but a better life than this. I cannot go back to the pretender I once was. The happy little homemaker who’s floors were clean and who’s children were attended to with a style that was admired by other moms. Though the inadequacy with which things are handled by me now depresses me it is a truth. Oh no one can see it…to most I’m just an average housewife who has a few crumbs on the floor leftover from breakfast but I know. I could just go back but that would be a bigger more hurtful lie…then I’d just be lying to myself.
It has been more than 5 years now…coming up on the sixth anniversary of that fateful day when you were seen together finally by someone closer to me than to him. That was a day that could have changed my life for the better but I allowed myself to be weak. I allowed myself to fall into the trap of possibilities. I didn’t stay strong and true to myself. I allowed a man who didn’t love me to come home to pretend.
