A very nice thing is that I've met someone who I think has the potential to be very special to me. It's still too early to tell - we work together and have talked a lot, but are only going on our first date next week. He has kids too, so our schedules are a bit hectic.
What's funny is that I find it strange being with him b/c he treats me so differently than H ever did. He actually asks me questions about myself and LISTENS TO ME(!); he openly tells me about himself; he doesn't make himself sound perfect; he looks me in the eye when we're talking; his R with his son is very important to him. All in all, he's a really nice guy (I think). Plus, he's hot, lol!
I had issues with being guarded around men, and in particular around this guy b/c I am actually seriously interested in him. I asked myself how do I get past my fear of being betrayed again, of trusting again? Finally, it came down to making a decision to trust. I am taking it slowly and getting to know him, but I really do believe that not all men are like my stbx (thank goodness!).
I gave XH 16 years of my life, and that's enough - more than enough. He doesn't get anymore. If I let the "hangover" from my M affect me for the rest of my life, I'm giving my life away, and I won't do that.
Anyway, so far things are in the very early stages here, but I am hopeful. Either way, it is good to know that I COULD love again, that I could trust again, that I have not turned into some cynical man-hater - which would not be a surprise, lol!
I am in mid-terms now, so have tons of marking, and that is keeping me busy.
Also, I don't like posting b/c I just want to move on from all this. I don't feel like I have much to offer others b/c I just don't have the patience for the MLCBS that I used to, and I don't feel that I can be supportive of the M. I'm also very vulnerable to other people's pain, so it's not good for me to be here.
That said, I am sending my love to all of you, and wishing you well.
Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
