I have time tonight to do a little update and this is actually a pretty good update.
Anyone who has followed my sitch will remember I was dealing with a very mean and selfish MLC/WAW who abandon her children. I did my very best to follow the DB principals with a backslide or two but in the last 6 months I nailed DB, no backslides to speak of, I did GAL and I did drop the rope. It was at the 6 month where I lost all respect for her and realized that I really wasn't man enough to reconcile if it ever came to that, there simply was too much damage done in the 6 months of separation. I woke up one morning and gave up, I threw in the towel on the M and felt a weight lift from myself, I GAL and left her to her own devices.
In the last 6 months I've really turned myself off. She calls the kids nightly and I simply give the phone to them, I have nothing to say to her so why bother talking on the phone. She comes to see the kids 3 days a week now and is spending a lot more hours with them when she sees them. She is working on reconnecting with her parents and other relatives and friends as well. She looks absolutely miserable and hasn't smiled in a very very long time. She has been teary and has a hard time leaving when she has to go home. She is flat ass broke and pregnant, beginning to realize what has happened in the last year.
This last week or so has been very telling of where she is in this MLC. She has been trying extremely hard to spend time ALONE with me (ummm I am not comfortable with that at all so I will not allow it) She has been doing a lot of checking up on me and has asked me on a few occasions to stay home when she visits. (I have made it a habit to leave when she arrives and to return upon her leaving) She is very chatty when she is around me asking lots of questions etc.
Today was downright frightening. I was putting the finishing touches on a Jeep restoration in my garage when I heard the door open. Expecting someone else I turned around with a very big smile, the smile was wiped from my face when I saw it was STBXW. She came under the guise of paying the CS for 2 months ago (WTF she never pays until the last day of the month) she tried to engage me in a conversation but I had nothing to say, she commented several times on how nice the Jeep had turned out and that I had done a fantastic job before she left.
I think there are two reasons for what is happening at this point.
1. Her pregnancy (minor)
2. Drop the rope, cut her loose and let her live her life as she chooses.
I am doing well, hell I am better than that. I tend to look at it like this, I have a second chance, I get to live the rest of my life a better person and with the value of some very important lessons learned. My kids are well and adjusting to things better than anyone expected ( I credit this to a lot of extended family support and early IC ) It isn't always easy being a single parent but I do my best and it shows.
I really wanted to provide this update for the men on the board, there are so few of us and success stories are few, I want to give the men both new and old a little look at what can happen given time.
I also wanted to thank everyone who has taken the time to post or mail me your advice was invaluable in helping me heal.
Thank you for posting this. I think it will help many. GAL, detach, and drop the rope, and maybe , just maybe the MLC/WAS will start missing you. It is never a guarantee, but it is worth trying. You also feel so much better about yourself too.
I have to admit, I am sad to hear this about your EX. It does hurt me deep down inside, they throw themselves out there. Having affairs, and messing up their lives so badly.
The path of destruction they have caused is sometimes just to much.
Quote:
realized that I really wasn't man enough to reconcile if it ever came to that,
WHA?
You not man enough? Listen to me you leather wearing pool boy.
You have made the decision that you have moved on. That is ok, that is perfectly fine, that is a goal, to have a good life.
You have found that a better life is without her.
Remember them leaving us is a blessing, we get to find our selves, and then we get to decide, if they add to our happiness or hinder it.
You have been a single dad, to 2 special wonderful kids (um squeeze them from Titi Lis)
You have overcome so much pain, and worry, and doubt.
If anything it makes you one hell of a man.
A man I am proud to know and love.
I wish only the best for your Ex, may her baby be raised in a good loving way (sigh)
She needs much prayer.
Thanks for updating, I have missed you.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
You sound like you are in a better place now. I'm sorry the outcome couldn't be better, but you have gained so much from this unfortunate experience. I like you, dropped the rope when I realized there was no point in fighting it. It was like swimming upstream. Fortunately for me, my W came back.
What you said is exactly what I've tried to tell others on this board. Let go, and let things happen as they will. If nothing else, you will learn to be a better person. And it appears that you are a perfect example of that.
I hope things continue to work out for you. Take care of the children. Keep setting the good example for them. They will appreciate it much later in life.
God Bless
PoohBear
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
Still working on that jeep for the road trip eh? hehehe....
Things sound positivly lovely for you and the kids.
Its sad that your wife did not wake up sooner. It's even sadder that you find it difficult to look at her or be around her. The pain and damage this causes is deep huh....ugh!
{{HUGS}} Its good to hear from you again!
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Great to hear from you again ... even better to hear how well you are doing for yourself. Many of us understand what a survivor that makes you. You are a DB success. For those that see DB as a single minded goal of saving a M, this is not the case. DB is for the salvation of the LBS.
That may include a restored M, and it may not. But this is about the LBS becoming whole again, better, and living the intended life. We just don't always know going in, what the intended part is.
