More complicated than I imagined...

[Michael Mc C]

W just came home from doctor's appointment and we had some coffee together. I could tell something was on her mind, something big. I let it be though, simply saying that she looked troubled, asing how the doctor's appointment went. It went fine.

A few minutes into the small talk she told me: "I think it's time for me to move out. I don't want to but I don't see any other choice."

I asked her why she felt she had to leave. Her response: "The longer I stay here the longer you will have hope. I want it to end, I can't go back, I have no hope."

I simply said "I will have hope until it's dead inside of me."

She went on about how our marriage was unfulfilling and she won't settle for that. She has given up all hope and desire to try to fix it. If she stays here she will feel like she's taking advantage of me while finishing her degree. She doesn't want to do that to me (which I appreciate).

So she's planning on moving in with her mother.

Another crossroad. Do I let her go without trying to find a way to accomodate her living here with me and the kids or do we work on a solution that allows her to stay? I'm honestly torn. I agree, I don't look forward to supporting her for the next 2 years while she gets herself to point where she can make it on her own. Kind of like training my executioner.

But I love her. I want her to be happy. I want the kids to see their mother as often as possible. If she stays, my hope will be bolstered but so will my disappointment if things don't improve.

If she goes, she'll have a chance to miss me, if possible. She'll be able to eventually see what it was about being with me that was so desirable instead of looking at me through her still-clouded eyes.

Decisions, decisions. In the end it is HER decision. However I can have a hand in helping her come to that decision. Should I even try? I could tell her that "my hope" is a personal choice and that she shouldn't be concerned with it. That I would be fully responsible for any additional disappointment/hurt that happens. However, by her own admission, the longer she's here, the more resentment she's going to build just because she's here. She feels trapped here and that is just no good. It's bad enough she has no hope/desire, if she resents the situation anymore than she already does, some real damage may occur.