HB, so sorry to hear that you two are backsliding. Was there any details why he would want a D at this point? It seems that you two were doing OK, though he still cannot say ILY (which to me means that he is still not sure about his feelings), but then he was home and trying to work things out. That does not seem like it's going to D path. It would, to me anyway, that he is trying to commit buy not ready yet. I had some clarity in my mind. It is the commitment that I am asking for at this point. I understand that H cannot let go of feelings for OW, not for a long time. However, if he is committed to M, and continue to work on it (with my loving support), the feeling will subside eventually. I talked to a coworker (male) who had a 4 year affair. Eventually they broke it off because OW could not see herself getting a D (her husband did not know about the A and family pressure would have been tremendous from her side) but she wanted a baby (bio clock ticking). So somehow they ended it. He told me it took him 2 years to get over the feelings (with no talking between them). So, I think if your H is unsure because he still have feelings for OW, he somehow needs to realize that this is normal. The key is if he is willing to commit and work it out with you. But if H is somehow contacting OW again, that may means he is not strong enough to resist OW. That you will have to decide if you can continue to DB to help him to let go, or if you have reached your own time limit. I haven't been to Retro and probably won't (not a H thing). However, I would say, keep an open mind and really listen to H. Good luck this weekend.
