Hey, Jar, the other thing I started thinking about is -- are you working out, going to the gym? Not only do I think if you were pushing yourself physically would that help w/ your stress levels, but are you LOOKIN' GOOD, Man?
I know that all of a sudden during the D sitch, I realized how very sexy I still found my H and was pissed I may lose him after this realization. I was truly kicking myself!!
Unfortunately, after years of marriage, your spouse sometimes is taken for granted. H was "just my husband." He was there 24/7, etc. Obviously, this is not good/right thinking, but it happens.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Yeah... used to have a goatee and now go clean shaven. She prefers me this way. Style my hair differently. Working out, but it would be hard for her to notice.
Being 6'6" it takes some time to put some weight on. I can tell you that my guns (arms) are looking pretty damn good. I remember her saying it was one of her favorite features. If the opportunity arises where she can see me without my shirt on... it would probably be a good thing.
Crappy part is... I quit smoking (one of her biggest complaints) about a month or 2 before this happened (and I'm selfish??). Now she's been smoking when she goes out and lets people smoke in her car from time to time.
I'm very happy to say that I'm still not smoking.. Chantix for anyone who is interested!!
Biggest thing I think for me now would be:
1. Get my financial world under control 2. GAL.. go back to playing sports etc
Yes, I know what the "guns" are. My H is all about his too and I too feel they are one of the body parts on H I like a lot.
I'm glad you were able to stay off the smokes, even during this whole thing. I'll be going back on my Chantix in a few weeks & giving it another go. Going to allow myself a bit more recoup time from my surgery before I go there.
I know your W actually filed, but has she done anything since? Does she mention the D?
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Good luck with the Chantix.. I tell everyone I can about it!!
It's odd.. she's filed, but she says she doesn't want to divorce.
So update from last night.
I called W on her cell as she spicefied. I expected her to be at OM's, but she was home. Only problem was oldest D wasn't. She was at karate with OM and his oldest. W had his youngest and my youngest. WTF? I got pissed of course.. had some beers in me. I talke to youngest and told W to call me when she got home.
W had asked me earlier if I would watch the D's tonight. I told her if she needed me to I would.
I was at a local bar having good conversation with an attractive lady, so I was a little distracted.
W texts me saying that oldest just called her on OM's cell and she had a great time at Karate. W says she wished her and I could be there to watch??? WTF?
W called and I was able to talk to oldest D. Oldest was upset that her "friends" had just left, so I didn't get to talk to her. W pushed about where I was at and who I was with. I told her I was out with some friends. We argued, but I honestly can't remember what it was about.
She texted a few things.. mainly about how she was sorry for ruining my life.. I told her she didn't.. then she said that oldest was upset that her "friends" wouldn't be over tonight so I've been released of babysitting again.
Here is her text: "D is seriously pissed at me. I want to be a good mom. I want to do something right for somebody for once. So I guess I don't need you. Again i am so sorry"
Feeling a bit sorry for herself, is she, poor thing. If she wants to do something right for somebody for once, she needs to pull up her boot straps & get back to where she needs to be -- w/ you and your D's and start working on putting your family back together, but she still needs time to figure this out.
I think it's good for her to wonder what you're doing and where you are/who you're w/. It will hit her one of these days that she could honestly lose you and that she may have shot herself in the foot.
My H also said he was "sick of being the bad guy" all the time. Poor thing.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Your right... You get your book lwb? I need to follow up and see how you are doing.
There are a few factors in letting the kids be around:
1. They are friends and are at school everyday together 2. She would just lie about it and cause more grief 3. I'm kind of hoping the faster they "settle in" the faster the wheels will fall off.
The more I think about it... she wants to party and live the single life.. well.. now she can only do it every other weekend etc. Probably will get old real quick.
His youngest is still in diapers and our youngest is just about potty trained. I know she hates changing diapers as she mad me do it most of the time.
Yes, I feel if H leaves (to live with his dad), he will get the single life too, what he wants. He can still be the good dad, and see them, but then free to do what he wants, without me 'snooping' around behind him.
You are right in some ways for sure about letting it happen, since it would happen anyway. My situation is a little different because OW is married, so the 'family' activities were pretty much halted when the A was discovered.
I hope it gets old quickly for your W, you deserve so much more!
Maybe the more she is around him and their families are intermixed (I know that hurts you to hear, sorry), she will realize that she's not "getting a better deal." Yeah, if she's already got an OM, she really can't play the single game too well.
I think she's going to figure it out pretty quick. I think the best thing to happen is for her to wake up & realize that, like I said before, she could end up losing you by acting like such a dumba$$ and then she'll have A LOT of regrets to deal w/.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
