FLTC, sorry I'm not on the boards quite as much mainly so I can focus more on myself.
My friend, I see you as still trying to control your wife. You seem to be holding on way to tight here and need to let go for your good, her good and your kids good. Let go, trust in God and let Him worry about her for a while. You still need to work on focusing on yourself and what is best for you. Then consider your kids and what is best for them. Remember you can't "fix" this, you can only support your kids by being a great father and taking care of yourself.
Lastly, it's clear any conversation you have with your kids gets back to your wife. Be it good, bad or indifferent the conversations get back to her and every time it backfires it some fashion. So keep your conversations with your kids about your relationship with them. When the subject of your wife comes up, change it unless it's something like the name calling that needs to be stopped.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
