Dropping the line vs. differentiation

[MJontheMend]

I'm kind of continuing my thoughts from the Back Again thread here...

I felt somewhat guilty for wanting out of my marriage because I "knew" that my 2bx suffered from depression/anxiety disorders. I didn't feel free to be angry with him for not paying child support etc. because I was actually worried on one level that he might commit suicide. Obviously, the fact that he checked himself into a mental health facility shortly after our break-up didn't help. So I just had to stuff my feelings of anger. So, now that he is functioning better because he is probably borrowing functioning from the female carpenter with whom he has affiliated himself, I feel more free to be angry. However, I know that it is still fusion and unhealthy so I just need to work my way through it all. Mostly I am angry at myself at the moment because I feel like I should have concentrated on getting my financial house in better order before I went out on my bunkey quest for sexual validation because now I'm going to have to pay the piper and Paul and Peter which means that bunkey needs to go to bed and a very cranky non-sexual lioness needs to wake up and take care of business. So, who is the easiest target to "blame" for my current post-divoce financial mess and my "need" for sexual validation which contributed to it- my PAL2bx, of course. I just wish they sold giant economy size bottles of FUSIONCIDE which you could spray over everything when you end a LTR so you could be REALLY done with it when you're done with it.

On a funny note: I was talking to GP about a business project I'm planning and he was surprised to catch a glimpse of my nonsexual lioness so he started laughing and said "Why are you always acting like such a goody-two-shoes, you're a gangstah, girl. You almost had me fooled."