Haven't been on in a while, busy time of year for me, with all of the outdoor activites I enjoy. Plus my new acquisition of a horse.
I get those sadness periods as well, I think the hardest for me is allowing loneliness to sink in, it doesn't happen that often anymore, but I try hard to work out of them by getting myself busy. Things were going well with a "friend" I have been dating, but she suddenly backed off in the past few weeks. Not quite sure of the reason, but one of the interesting things she did say to me was, "I just need some space to allow the dust to settle." That one struck me hard as it was the exact same thing my WAS would say. I told her that and we laughed about it.
I just went through the anniversary thing as well. I choose to do nothing. No communication at all, as there was no need to. The only person I brought it up with, was my dating friend, we were talking on the phone, and something she said reminded me that it was my wedding anniversary, so I told her what day it was and she said "Happy Anniversary", to which i responded "Gee thanks" and that was about the hi-light of that day and the only thought I really had about it.
I decided recently to try and be more friendly with W at only face to face meetings every other week during S8 exchange. Somewhat prompted by conversations w/ my dating friend and thing she has said about her LBS. Gave it good try this past weekend, it's hard for me to make eye contact w/ W, and she pointed that out to me. I told her I was trying, but it was very difficult, hopefully w/ time I'll be able to do that.
Me: 41 W: 38 Son7 M 13 years 3/07 Bomb "This marriage isn't working for me anymore" S 5/26/07 Thread
FWIW, I did not so much as mention our anniversary in June. Neither did W. It was definitely the right thing for me.
RE: fun vs. serious. Either way, you better get back into the gym or I won't be able to hang with you the next time I am in town! (Don't want to give the ladies the wrong impression, ya know.)
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
"But chicki, my experience in my sitch is that all those months I was saving the M while she refused to work on it amounted to (1) pursuit/pressure and (2) tension between us. I believe the pursuit/pressure and tension blocked any hope of reconciliation. By finally letting go, and telling her I agree and don;t want to work on the M, etc., the tension seems to have finally dissipated. Does that mean she will come back? No, but she could. And if she doesn't, it probably means we have the best chance to heal and salavage whatever we can of a R (friends? co-parents?). So I don't want to take a stand for M anymore because that equaled battling my spouse. We all have to let go, I believe."
Hi Nomo, it's been a long time! This is so true! This is so much how my sitch played out. I saw the same hints that you are seeing, but blew them off because I had read into them before and was wrong. (I thought). My H would give me signs and I would think, maybe and would act and it was not what he wanted. (He now says he did but was so screwed up and scare he wouldn't let it go anywhere.) Go on living your life and if she does want to come back it will be up to you! I so have to say my M now has NEVER been as good as it is now. We both have learned so much and I am so greatful that this terribly painful experience happened!
The part where your friend said the OLD Nomo is back. I get it, however it is hard to balance both. I have to remind my self to not forget ME and MY friends! It's not always about family.
Good luck to you and what ever happens. I feel you are in a better place mentally and good will come whatever the path. Take care,
S
Last edited by NotAgainPlease; 10/25/0707:17 PM.
M15 T19 D13 S13 BD Affair 9/13 S 11/13 D started 6/14.. dropped court date 10/14 H attorney can't get it together. Still with long distance ow. Still hates me.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
