No, I completely agree with you. We both looked outside for something. Yeah, he did connect with her, but the way I look at it, that R will eventually hit its snags too. She left her husband last year so....now she is looking for someone to validate her feelings as is he. What I have found from DB is that I no longer need someone else to validate my feelings.
I did read the 5 love languages, but he is a hard one to decipher unless he read the book and took the quiz. I do know that he does lots of "acts of service" for people, but he always seems to do things before I can get to them for him. And I do know that anytime I have bought him a nice gift that is not his favorite thing for me to do. Also he told me that she treats him with respect and is probably nice and fun to be around, which I have not...I devalued myself over many years by doing things I didn't like to him and myself. So that has stopped for me, I now have come out from under that oppressive thumb and feel better than ever about myself. He still thinks that things that I do test him and he doesn't quite believe it yet. But I know that this is real and that's all that matters right now. So yes I am positive he is not receiving the love I am sending and I am still trying to figure out how to give that to him. Before I read DR I had been giving him positive words of affirmation, but he was not receiving that. So I am now treating him with respect most times, being happy and pleasant no matter what he is doing. He does keep asking me about jewelry or clothes that I have on, which shows me I have his curiousity at least. Especially because I haven't bought anything new! LOL
"You might not have a husband who wants out so much as a husband who is really hurting and who "lost" his mate somewhere along the way and wants to stop hurting." <---This was a most excellent observation!! I completely agree with that statment. Mostly because he hasn't moved out yet, hasn't filed for D papers, hasn't made "arrangements" with the OW, hasn't even discussed a future with her...so I do feel a glimmer ok maybe a speck, an iota of hope.
It is WAY easier to type and think about than actually DO! I do appreciate your objective words and support DNOy. Thank you.
I would love to read your story.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
