Yeah, I'm not sure either about the spending so much time together in the home. It seems weird to say to them, "We're not going to be married anymore and papa is moving out," and then spend MORE time together than before.
The C warned us about kids' fantasies that the parents will get back together. I guess I'm not really worried about that, though I expect it'll happen as par for the course, but more about wanting some space of my own.
I'm actually sitting here wondering whether H is going to make an appearance tonight or not, kinda hoping he doesn't. I'm wondering if I should talk to him before we talk to the kids and say I'd prefer things stay as they are in the evenings---no "together time" every night, but rather just mama's or papa's night. They're used to that already, and it'd give me some space.
H mentioned today that my sister said hi to him. I don't think she's said a word to him since all this happened, which he certainly felt. I said, "Yeah, it's been hard for her." He said, "Really?" I think he was surprised.
Also, something I neglected to mention earlier, on the way home from the kid C H said something about us "not being like that"---kicking one of us out, yelling and screaming, etc. I said, "You looked a little surprised," referring to one of our very early talks when he reached a certain point and clearly expected me to kick him out, and I didn't.
He started talking about how I'd never argued with him or said, "I had a crappy day, and by the way, I think you're" whatever, about this whole thing. He mentioned a recent email where I said I generally had an emotion, was working through it, later mentioned it, and by the time he got back to it my reaction was, "Huh? That's over and done with."
He said he's much more an immediate sharer, which cracked me up, because he's so very not. I didn't say anything. Eventually he said something like maybe it was better that we hadn't had those conversations. I was thinking, "What would the point have been?" but didn't say anything.
So two things there: I think this was another example for H of how different we are---he's the immediate, emotional sharer (that's such a joke) and I hold things in; and second, he still sees me as not sharing. And my reaction was pretty much, whatever.
Right now, in our interactions, I'm doing absolutely nothing in the hopes that he'll change his mind. He's certain and eager to get settled; I'm eager for him to get settled. I don't feel much for him (my sister's comment when I told her he'd mentioned that she said hi was, "I just feel so very sorry for him, I don't know what to do") except a vague concern for his well being and some concern that he holds himself together enough to take care of the family financially. That's not much.
