I hear you BI, we had such a vacation the week after the crap hit the fan, we each did our own thing on were on our world. Well, at least the kids had a blast
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Plugging along. Hit a speed bump last night after what I thought was a better place for me personally (see blog), but working on fixing it. Could I be any more vague? ha.
Hoping you guys are doing well. Going to try to get some more ducks in a row (quack) before I post.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
cat, you resurrected my little thread. i think of ya'll, i'm just drowning here.
separation is back on the table, and i cannot believe i let it get this far. i remember grasshopper and toughlover posting about keeping the road home safe and smooth for the WAS, and i did anything but. he is over it, and truly has lost any hope that i can change. and i almost agree with him. almost. i hold out hope, b/c what else do i have w/out hope?
i think i sicken him on some basic level. he's uncomfortable around me, he doesn't feel safe with me, and i walk around the house the victim of ALL I'M NOT GETTING from him. and having a poor-me attitude outside the house over the last few years, in general. instead of being there for him, just as he is, and being his advocate outside the home. giving him good PR, which (as you know if you followed this sitch a while) he has needed.
and me in my selfish need to be the one who always Looks Good in any given situation, blew the opportunity for being a real Team member and cheerleader for H as a person. And he's a great person at the core. When the rubber meets the road, he is supportive and has my back with no agenda really. but me? I am looking out for myself, and only supportive when it's easy. when it's hard, i'm not.
and when he's actually 'up' about himself or having a good day or the potential to rebuild his world, i feel threatened. not needed. waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the 'i quit'. and i propelled all that into a self-fulfilling prophesy. because it's easier to never be vunerable, or a servant to the other person's soul, than to try to do it and fail at it. which is maybe why i could never figure out how to truly throw myself into the ring with him. probably nobody gets what i'm saying, but i have to say it anyway.
OMGosh, i wish i could be an exchange student for a year in the home of a Happy marriage b/c I have no idea what that looks like. I've never seen one up-close and day-to-day. with respect and support, even when it's hard, even in conflict.
We are almost 2 years out from d-day (12/2005), and i have never let him back up off the ground from this thing. i did not support him, really, only when it was beneficial to me, not just supported him as a decent human being. i'm selfish and self-centered, and while i love him, i haven't loved him in any way he's needed. it's affected everything, and here we are again. square one. fcuk.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
I know I have no clue of the day-to-day-in-and-out workings of your life, but I've followed and respected you for a good long time, and I know that though you've stumbled, you have made efforts to be there, hon. (The title of your thread is a case in point.)
Tomorrow is a new day, Scarlett. Get up and do something--anything different. We're here to cheer you on.
Well, hun, maybe it is time to do something different.
If your cup is empty, you'll always need your Husband to fill it. And if he's busy filling is own cup, you'll get jealous and angry cause yours is empty.
Whereas, if your cup is full, you can actually help fill your husband's.
Time to get your cup filled.
What would that look like for you?
Spiritually?
Socially?
Vocationally?
Interests?
Hobbies?
Recreation?
When you're filled up you will be less needy and more patient.
I know money is tight for you. But you've got to get that cup filled.
BI -- save yourself. Then you'll have more resources to throw at your marriage.
My old pastor who's from the South used to say about a strained marriage: two ticks, no dog. Y'all need a dog to draw nourishment from.
