Hurdles and pressing forward......

[job]

Laughing,
I have a very good idea who called the CPS. You know the individual as well--Jane. The reason why I'm saying this is that Dick and Jane, especially Jane, wants your son to think the worse of you. Notice how your son said she's a better mother? Well, my money is on that nut job. The only way to tar and feather you as the enemy was to pull out all of the stops and do this, knowing full well, you would look like the bad guy.

It's easy to call in a complaint and use someone else's name. Doesn't she have a lot of data on you or could Dick give it to her? Your son does tend to talk a bit freely around them, so maybe he gave away some of your information, without meaning to do so.

My advice, would be step back from the entire situation and let it fester all on it's own. You need to allow your son some quiet time to better understand what is going on. Remember, the more you push and try to validate your intentions w/him right now, the more he's going to run right into the arms of Dick and Jane. Allow those two to show their true colors. It will come out.

Laughing, I know this hurts like hell, but you are going to have to love him from afar for a while. This situation is getting so out of hand that I'm afraid for your safety. They are hell bent on destroying you and all of the good you have done w/your children. Step back, let the dust settle and be there for your daughter.

[BeingMe]

Couldn't Dick be accused of alienating your S's affection from you? Seems he accused you of it, but it looks like he is the one actively engaged in this behaviour.

I also think you should just step back from the sitch, and let Dick and Jane hang themselves. Your S is going through a time in his life where what he has in material goods is more important than what he has in relationships. He will grow up and realise that you were the one who really cared about him.

Take care.

[Between Tears]

Snodderly,

Jane was the first one who came to my mind, especially with the comments about the guns.... which she does have deep, heartfelt concerns about them, and does find them a problem. When she was still living in her childhood home, her brother came out to the livingroom and shot himself, fataly wounding himself, in front of his Mom and sisters. I can truly understand her concerns, and sympathize with her pain.

However, I've been trying to keep an open mind, stop looking to Dick and Jane to blame (immediately). I guess my goal is to become as apathetic to them as I can be, so even when they are up to something, I could care less. I think it will help me find my warm and fuzzy center that I miss so much.... I want to be myself, just myself, and not someone else's projection.

I just want to be seen as me, and not the monster Dick has produced to transfer his responsibilities to for the things he has done himself, while sharing it with nearly everyone who will listen. I realize I can use the situation to my benefit, for Dick is truly eliminating people who I no longer need to seek a friendship with..... i.e., if they believe what he says about me, they can't see the real me, therefore, I really don't need to make space in my life for them. Judgemental? Maybe, but it is the only positive I can make out of the situation for now, so I'll pick it for now.

I know you are right, lovingly sitting back is my first natural instinct, YET, my impulse is to protect, help open the windows so that S can see what is going on. I don't want him lost in the world of darkness that Dick will create for him.... I know this world all too well, I know it took me a good part of three years to find my way out, and that's with adult coping skills (err, well maybe) and I don't want S to have to struggle the way I did. Although, I do deeply understand, to do this, would only wound and weaken S, causing him greater harm.

Yes, this situation is way out of hand.... had it not been for Dick's remarkable way of manipulating the court and using this same court to continue his control/abuse, he wouldn't have space in my/our life at all. It is only because of the rulings of this court that I am trapped in this vicious cycle, without a way out until the children are 18..... (check that, there are ways out, but, none of them legal....) Dick has the money, the need to control, and is having his way, just because he knows what to do. He believes/knows he is now invincible, will not get caught in his mountain of lies and can do what ever he so desires. The court has done nothing BUT increased his power over me, when it should have been the one place I could have found protection. He's always had the ability to look like a victim. It is so unbelievably text book, yet no one can see it but us.

It not only hurts like hell, it's hard to remained focused, and not fall back into the craziness, or believe I am crazy.... it's getting to me, and I don't know how much longer I can hold on.

God will give me the strength I need, as long as I allow Him to do so.

Take care of you, God Bless

Love,

Laughing

[Between Tears]

Yes, yes, Being Me,

Dick is alienating S, he does have all the signs/symptoms of being alienated, all the way through to the foul mouth and contempt he has for me now. You see, Dick accuses me (in court) of those things he is doing or has done himself. Therefore, when the time comes when I see what he is up to, he has already claimed it has been me, and IF I try to bring it up in court, it falls on deaf ears or a failed attempt to transfer the blame. It's a sick cycle, and there's no way out.

I really hope Dick and Jane do hang themselves before S loose sight of reality.... I pray God gives him strength to persevere and doesn't get lost in the world Dick has created for him.

Thanks!

Take care, God Bless

Love,

Laughing

[Between Tears]

It seems I failed to mention the best part of all of this...

I now have to pay child support for S... yup, $531 per month.... which is just $20 less than one of my bi-monthly paychecks. Oh sure, Dick will pay $531 a month also.... out of his paycheck, which his paycheck is closer to $10,000/month. Once again, just before I take the leap of purchasing us a home, I am cut down below the income needed to be approved for the mortgage... which will void my rental agreement, which will have D and I homeless by December 1st. I can no longer afford to make the repairs needed to make this home qualify for a mortgage, for now I have less than $300/month to purchase groceries, gasoline, clothing, vehicle maintenance and insurance, entertainment, animal food, pay doctor bills, dental bills and make the necessary repairs to this house......

Does anyone else have an idea of what Dick's next move is going to be?

I once thought the object of support was to maintain the children's quality of life prior to divorce.... but it seems that here, in Kansas, those ideals don't apply.

Angry? Yes, I am.... but I won't become bitter. I'm still waiting for the rainbows that was to follow this storm.... but it seems that I will be better off giving up on those hopes and dreams too.

Well, off to work I go.... which I know I need to find another job,. In order to get the money I'll need to "right" the situation will mean that I will have to drive at least 50 or 60 miles a day in order to obtain something that we can live on.... but as soon as I do, Dick will come in to scoop up more child support. Cycles.... Lord, I hate it, all I want is my life back.

[WCW]

Laughing, I am so sorry for what you continue to endure. IMO you do need to love from a distance. My own story is didly squat in comparison to yours but in a condensed version I will say that I tried to welcome my stepson, his bride, and their new baby into our home when they needed a place to stay. Everything I did was turned against me, it was my H, his son and family, all against me. SS was very good at twisting things so his dad would always side with him, and DIL was really whacked out but would not take her AD's because she didn't like how they made her feel. Fast forward to about 2 years later, I received a letter from them in their new location thanking me for being the person I was and helping them thru their difficult time, and DIL especially apologized for being so difficult and rude to me and causing such disruption. Yes, you bet I shared that letter with H. I hope you will have similar results when the dust clears and people are able to see clear enough who stirred it up.
((((Laughing))))

[Between Tears]

Thank you WCW,

You are right, I just need to be patient, and believe things will be okay. I am doing better today, as I have had my vent, been able to "right" myself and ready to step forward.

I seem to allow things to get all boggled up in my head, where they over power my thoughts and outlook (focus). I just needed time to adapt (again) to this new situation, and learn to accept what is going on.

I've never heard such angry words, continuously coming from S. Yes, I am hurt, scared and worried, for he is beginning to sound like his father... and his father has been able to hold on to his anger (for me) for years now..... Venting has allowed my common sense room to trickle back in to help separate my fears from reality....

I know S's anger is really a sign of the pain he is in, and as we all know, it is human nature to take it out on the ones we are closest too, love the most, who we feel safest with, who we believe can take it, and will love us through it all.... Sitting back and loving S from a distance is the only way I can be at this time. To do anything else may appear to be rejecting or abandoning S, and this is the last thing he needs right now.

Yup, plucked my head out of my favorite orifice once again, and beginning to see straight. Still a bit early for me to apply a bit of hope, but once again, I'll bring it out too.

Take care of you, God Bless

Love,

Laughing

[Goinbatty]

Nice to see you've uprighter yourself (again)and have a good grip on what's going on. I'm glad to see you reminded yourself about the ones who are actually closest to us and how they may react when feeling trapped in a box.
Sat next to a lady the other night on a flight back from the windy. She is a w2. She had a story to tell about her now h of 10 years and his waw of 18 years past who finally woke up in the last couple of months. 18 years, in the waw mind was compressed into just a few years( in her mind it had not been 18 years), yet a full realization of what she had done and cannot apologize enough for putting the guy through .... for 12 of them (he cut her off 6 years ago). He hung in there for the first five years of MLC and finally couldn't take it anymore, yet she baggered him after the D for years. (The waw antics I understood very well)
After hearing that story, I pray none of us ever have to go through that for that long. But at the same time, another real life (lives) story of how long MLC can linger.

[brueniap]

of all the threads........yours is the most difficult to read. sometimes i just want to hide from reading what you have to endure. i want to see it go away.

you have been a pillar. when i first came here you were such strength for me. now i read and see your life taking such a turn and i can't believe what's happening.

push through it dear Laughing..........do it with your head held high no matter what things look like. i don't like seeing the turn of events that have happened to you. they are frightening. but you KNOW where your strength is and you must hang on to the hand that loves you with a love that no one else can give us.

i can't understand why this man continually wishes to torment you when he has others in his life he could do this to. What joy could possibly come to him for this when you don't even bother with him and haven't for some time. it's not like you took him to the cleaners or anything.

but now, your son.........i will pray for this sitch for you dear one. to have your children removed in such a way and to have your son turn on you.......my heart would be ripped out of my chest if this were my son.

you are precious in the eyes of God, Laughing. I know you know that.......hang on to Him......He will get you thru all this.

you are loved

brue

[BeingMe]

How does the court work out the child maintenance? In Canada, it is calculated according to what each parent is earning. How can they allow one parent become almost destitute, while the other is still taking? It truly boggles my mind. I think all who are thinking of leaving their spouse with their children, and live in Kansas .... MOVE to another, mom friendly state ... NOW.

Is there a possibility that you could move nearer to where your XH and S live? Especially, if you can get a better job? I cannot see the court opposing that kind of move.

Take care of yourself and your daughter! I truly think things will resolve themselves once your son turns 18. Although, your XH will probably come after your D, which is why I suggest you move closer, or to a more just state.