I put a stop to H bringing my girls around OW (has kids the exact same age), however with your situation, it might push W farther away. H used excuse "They are friends" (meaning the kids), but I said it was his fault for ruining that, and besides they are young, they will have new friends in 5 minutes.
And yes, I got to hear (unprompted by the way) all about OW and H's adventures with the kids. Used to make me physically ill. One day, I was driving the girls to go swimming (by myself) and they went on and on about their week. H and OW had seen each other with the kids every day. I had to throw up at the pool before I could function. Not a good place to be in, I feel your pain.
I think you detaching, not asking where she is, not caring (or appearing that way), but being friendly is your option here. I repeat to myself "Not my mess" and it helps.
I think in a sick way this will make things fall apart faster. She's already reported that he ignores her when he's working and she feels like the babysitter. Lets see how it works with 4 of them running around.
Plus.. his oldest has some issues which she will now have to deal with. I just hope it doesn't affect our kids.
My oldest is already asking "Why can't we be in the same house.. it's not fair"
Oh, so she watches all four of them while he works? Oh yeah, that might get old. See, that is 'real life', and our WAS's don't like real life, it interferes with their secret fantasy world too much.
Quote:
"Why can't we be in the same house.. it's not fair"
Does your D say this about OM's kids, or the fact that you and your W aren't in the same house? Either way, ouch.
Im sorry things are not going well. I can't imagine how you must feel. Lwb is right though, if you do want to save anything, I think it would push her away, but my opinion is there does need to be ground rules, and i think what she is doing is going to totally mess them up beyond confusion.
I hope you are able to find a balance somewhere..
Blessings~
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Ok, you saying that she didn't mean it was BAD, BAD, BAD. You are going to push her away.
She knows she still loves you and probably knows exactly where she SHOULD be, but if you continue to push her away and get mad and argue w/ her, that's going to do nothing but turn her away and make her think maybe all her crazy ideas about you and your M could be right.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Tonight will really be the first time they've had the kids together. So I've gathered that Wed & Thurs they will be together.. Saturday she has a festival at school (which D's will go to) and I will be on the road selling our horse trailer.
It sunk in that they will be there as well. I'm sure they will all be together.
So.. they will be going from "friends at school" to quasi brothers and sisters in a day. SUCKS!!!
OM's kids call her Mom from time to time. I know his kids refer to his ex W's BF as "Daddy J". I swear.. if I hear my kids refer to him as dad.. !@#@!#$#@$#@$#$@#%$#%$#
I hate to say this... but she seems to respond more when I get a little angry about the situation.
Well, Jar, you know your W. Maybe that's what she needs -- seriously, a good A$$ whipping -- you to tear her a new one up one side & down the other, walk away and she's going to get scared shitless she's going to seriously lose you.
I thought about this for a bit and thought that might be what may have woken me up had I ever decided to play the little games our WAS's like to play. I've just never been on that side of the fence.
Now, I'm NOT saying you SHOULD do this - don't want to be blamed for anything later, but just saying everyone is different in how they react to things and how people need to deal w/ them in certain circumstances.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I'm going to hold onto that.. I had to text her about some finance stuff and she called me later. Kept it friendly but short. I can tell she's a little off kilter.
