Plank removed from my eye, too late for WAW? 7

[Not Much Left]

Oh, I agree w/ your pt on doing so considering she knows how much you care about her. THere is no way (IMHO) that this is a bad thing, thus it is nuetral to positive.

Oh, and I think my back massages are going to be paid for soon once I let on about the house.

C

[Puddle]

Gosh, Heim, that's a tough one. So when something like this would happen before (death in the family, big life-change stuff, etc), you wouldn't talk to W about your feelings? That would surprise me a little.

And if you did share your feelings, would you let her comfort you, or would you be kinda needy and lean on her in a way that seemed to make her uncomfortable?

I think all that plays in to whether or not you take her up on her offer.

But as a default: DON'T.

Take care.

[Heimlich]

I guess the underlying point is that we were close, but didn't really talk deeply about how the other felt about -- well, anything -- for the last few years. We lacked that emotional connection -- well, that's not 100% correct, but mostly so.

We used to lean on each other, in a good way. I think this might be a chance to have an intimate conversation and begin/plant a seed of doubt to reestablish that bond that we used to share.

That make sense?

BD

[Puddle]

And you believe you can do this without any R talk? Any?

I don't know, Heim. I get what you're saying about the 180, sharing real feelings, etc, but I think that's all based on her reaching out. Like GD pointed out, you know her better than we do, but I'd err on the side of caution and assume she's not. (But then I also tend to err on the side of not sharing feelings, and look where that's got me!)

Also, I think you sometimes underestimate the effect of your (negative) behavior on W, so I'd rather see you overestimate the negative possibilities a little. Does that make sense?

Take care.

[Not Much Left]

Oh, good pts. Negative stuff can "slip" out when emotions are high.

[Heimlich]

And you believe you can do this without any R talk? Any?

Well, there's the crux of the matter, eh? Digesting all of this. No more spur of the moment stuff.

BD

[Puddle]

No more spur of the moment stuff.

That sounds good. That way you'll be prepared when she says, "Gee, Heim, this feels like a violation..."

Just kidding (pretty much). Do you have to talk soon? Sounds like the circumstances dictate speed right now.

[TopJ]

a little late, but...

heat miser video on youtube

Go Heim!!!

[oldtimer]

Heim,

Here's the rub -- a sincere, authentic opening up to anyone shouldn't have a hidden agenda. Right now, you are making this all about W, how she will react, what it would mean to how she perceives you, what it would mean about your M, and so on...

You are making it a hugely loaded coversation. If you could talk to her like you might talk to any friend, a cousin, someone here, that would be one thing. But I really don't see that happening. I fear W will feel the pressure to be who you want her to be and respond how you want her to respond and so on...

Any such conversation needs to be ONLY about you and your grandmother. Can you do that?

[Heimlich]

Any such conversation needs to be ONLY about you and your grandmother. Can you do that?

Dunno. Don't want to make it a hugely loaded conversation. Therein lies the rub.

Got stuck in traffic on the way home. Got the girls late (was in the office for a webinar today). W had fixed me a "take out" of what she had cooked for dinner. That was nice.

BD