impossible situation #2

[Dom R]

Ok, I see her as a woman who throws a fit to get her way. Maybe she doesn't exactly throw a "fit" but instead, she is saying by her actions....."You had better do everything just the way I want...or else I will make your life miserable by showing you just how mad I can be at you!" Apparently, she is the type of female who can hold onto a grude a long time.....that is worse than blowing up and getting over it. That is a form of blackmail. Plus, she knows you DomR! She knows that you believe in practicing good manners and that yes...you are going to be "polite" to her. So, do a 180 and walk away when she is not using polite manners and showing her rudeness.

Hmm... well.. maybe not "walk away"... but perhaps I should do something else.

.... Some females (and I'm not saying that your W is one of these, but if the shoe fits.....)find ways of punishing their H over and over again. For some, it is a means of controll.
...

If she thought you were always trying to be the "controller" in the R.....perhaps that was her way of taking back the control. Hummmmmmmmmm...........

Yeup. From my perspective, it's more like, she accuses me of being "the controller", because she doesnt want to lose being the one in control in the first place.

She is usually the one who gets what she wants... at the same time that she always complains that she "never gets what she wants, and I always get what I want".

To be fair, I have had some "controlling behaviour" in the past. But what she accuses me of, goes way above and beyond that.

So, she is the real talker in the family, huh? Well, blow me down! So, do you have a hard time getting a word in edge-wise?

well, she's not the super-talker that some people are like that. But when it comes to "live" talking, she's the talker.
I'm more of a writer.

but can you briefly tell me why you two never D and have settled for a S? Is she pushing for a D?

we havent "settled". She told me that she intended to file for divorce, when she moved out. She has filed for divorce, we have been to court over custody.
She has most recently filed for "child support" money. I agreed to give her some money on a monthly basis, to cover what I calculate she could actually need in support (as opposed to what she might WANT to get from me). But it's an out-of-court agreement.
The court date is currently in "continuance", while she decides what she wants to do about it.

I see her as potentially filing for finalization, if she decides to go through with that and push for everything she can get.
The irony is, if she does push it to court.. she might actually end up with less than what I'm giving her now. I've told her that, but she seems to want to believe what her lawyer tells her.

Has there ever been OM?

She moved out because of OM in EA #2.

I threatened divorce over the first one. She decided to "beat me to the punch", for #2 I guess.

She kinda broke up with him, and moved on to others. but, she's doing things with him online a bit more these days again.
(online roleplaying games)

She swears up and down that her moving out was "nothing to do with him", and it was "because of me". But, after me complaining for months that she was way too close to him... [and having a misrable 6 months fighting over it] she moved out, on the day that I discovered them telling they loved each other online, and confronted her with it. you do the math.

As I said in the other thread.. She never admits being wrong.
I think that to admit she moved out because of OM, would be admitting that she did something wrong, so she wont admit it. To me, or to herself.

She blames me for everything bad that happens. Even things that are basically because we have 3 children.. it's my fault.
So, I guess it was much more comfortable to her, to blame ME, for our separation and potential divorce, even though I wanted none of this.

When our children ask her, she used to say something like, "mommy and daddy couldnt work things out", like it was somehow a joint decision. Last time I heard it come up, she said "mommy needed space". Dont know what she's telling them now, about why she isnt living at home with us. I think they've got tired of asking, and getting no sensible, truthful answer back.

When they have asked me, I tell them that mommy moved out because it was more important for her to be with OM#2, than to be with daddy, and that it is her decision whether to come back or not.

They havent asked me for quite a while now. They mostly say that they miss her being with us, and I say that I do too. and that she can come back if she wants to.

btw: no future "family day" stuff is currently planned, unfortunately.
Although we're doing halloween jointly. and actually with her cousin+child, for once.