still trying, now separating

[Dom R]

early morning quickie.. hope you see this before your trip

What was different? Confidence.

Yes! exactly! That's part of the "Positive Mental Attitude" mantra around here.

it helps YOU deal with things.. and it makes you more appealing for HER to be around you

I think I need to pursue her. ...

Sounds like it. I'd summarize a good attitude as, "show interest, without expectation or demands".

So what does this translate to? No more "it's probably over but I'm going to give it a half hearted effort". It is not over, I'm going to give it 100% and if my heart gets stomped on in the end at least I'll know I held nothing back.

To use a much abused word: Awesome


now, the only word of caution I have:

And now the challenging part, that many may disagree with. I'm going for the separation. No resisting there.

"no resisting", is not the same thing as going along with it.

Do you agree with what I posted earlier, about "not helping someone move", is not the same as "resisting them moving"?

If you let her do things at her own pace, she may or may not move out.
You have already seen signs, from her, that she isnt 100% sure about moving out any more. She "thinks" it is neccessary, but it does not sound like she is 100% certain any more.

On the other hand, if you seem to be in favour of the separation, and are actively helping her move out... she WILL move out.

(this isnt always true... there are some, very challenging, difficult wives, who will do/not do something, just to be the OPPOSITE of what you want to happen. Doesnt sound like your wife is one of those, however)


I understand your theories on separation. But for you, it's all theory. Once you two are separated, it gets much, much more difficult to show positive changes in you. Take it from people who have been/are actually separated.

You can give her "time and space", while still being in the same house.
While I am not in this category myself, there are enough people on this board who HAVE done this, successfully. If you dont understand how to do it... why not find out ideas on how to do this, rather than just assume, "well, I cant see how to do it, so it must be impossible" ?