I don't think she used the exact words, "anytime, anywhere", but she said, as closely to verbatum as possible, "I will not reject you again". While we haven't tried the bathroom vanity, kitchen floor or table since we were much younger, I think that she would give it a try :-) I am too old, and cars are too small these days to try the back seat. Besides, we like making love much better than a quickie interlude, although that can be fun too.
He is likely, as am I, still a bit apprehensive that you aren't really embracing his desire for you, or are just pretending in order to service him. LL said essentially the same thing. I bet once a week really isn't what he is interested in.
There is no way to know what will work for you and your husband. You certainly don't want to feel used or cheap. He obviously doesn't want to make you feel that way. The answer probably lies somewhere in the middle. Try initiating contact with him. Most guys love it when their lover initiates. Watch the timing though. Try to do it at a time when you know he would be interested.
Most importantly for me, is my wifes openness to my advances. If he grabs your butt, do you draw back or present? Grabbing your butt may initially be offensive to you. Likely, he does it out of affection. Rejection is often presented in ways that you might not even be conscious of. It will take him a while to get used to the change. It will take you a while to get used to being available.
In my relationship, we are still working on being secure with our newfound ease. I don't know what your early relationship was like, but mine was passionate and we experimented with places, times, and technique. All the things that new couples do. It was natural. The unnatural feel and discomfiture with making love and just having sex as a release was the learned behavior. It is no suprise that it will take time and effort to put it right again.
Jen said; ---- "I have increased the frequency but now he is telling me he is just not interested anymore and once a week is fine with him. (No enthusiasm). He says he learned to control his desire and is proving to me that he is not a neanderthal that only wants sex.
I am confussed now. I started working on what I thought he wanted and now he says it's not really what he wants. Women's intuition tells me he is not being honest with me. Did you ever feel this way? It's like he just gave up. " ----
He doesn't just want sex, but he does at times. Guys are as mixed up emotionally as you ladies, we just don't show it the same way. Throw in a liberal dose of testosterone, and life gets interesting. LL is one of the high drive ladies here, and has a good grasp on what it is like to be a guy (for most of us). What he probably really wants is you to want him the way you used to. That may only be a perception or a fantasy in his head of what it was like "in the early days", or maybe you two were like cats in heat. Either way, he wants to be closer to you. For a guy, that normally doesn't mean long talks by candle light.
I did feel the way he does. I had almost given up. At least I had convinced myself of that. As for him having control of his drives, horse crap. Most priests have a hard time with that. Maybe a small percentage of Tibetan monks do. I should think that would be a very small portion of the population with real control over their drives, and an even smaller percentage with control over their emotions.
If I had to guess, I would bet that a willing and ready wife, genuinely interested in his advances, would let him find what his real drive levels are. He sounds like he is still hurt and frustrated. I doubt he really knows exactly what he wants yet. Since you are the one championing the relationship repair, you may have to pull some extra weight until he is on board.
I really admire your addressing the issues with your husband, especially as the low desire spouse. I think your husband doesn't know how lucky he is to have you, or how lucky he is going to be - yet :-) I hope he will take an active role in returning your relationship to a more normal hue.
I am looking forward to the day when 'frequency' is what you tune the radio to, and not used to determine the health of the sexual part of a relationship. Happy couples do 'it' when THEY want to, not because 'it' is at issue. I want to be there. I wish that for every one that has been brave or frustrated enough to post here. I know we can't live in perfection, but couples have enough on their respective plates already. Making love shouldn't have to a battle.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
