Quote: I am confussed now. I started working on what I thought he wanted and now he says it's not really what he wants. Women's intuition tells me he is not being honest with me. Did you ever feel this way? It's like he just gave up.
jen,
since I am the woman with hd and my h is the ld partner, perhaps I can shed a little light on the sit.
do not use "womans intuition" when dealing with such topics...often what you think is just that...what YOU think.
there have been many occassions when h does want to be more physical and then I just am not as motivated.
yes some of it is anger and frustration just me saying well now you want to...I just don't feel like it.
but there is more to the story...it's more a learning to appreciate and accept. it's more of an understanding and hearing from the ld partner that they do care about our (the hd) feelings...that they do care..that they do find us attractive..that it's not "us".
if you can step back and see that it is not "sex" that we are seeking but affection, attention, affirmation of your feelings for us (after all the physical part of a m is the main thing that seperates that r from all others). for the hd person it is not so much that we are sex hungry maniacs but that we are those who's primary love language is physical touch...when we are deprived of that we are not hearing ily etc. when our attempts at physical contact are rejected we feel unloved...when we are met with a response that says...well I am not a "physical touch" love language speaker so you'll have to do without sex. we hear I don't love you. when we hear...I do love you and understand that physical touch (namely sexual) is important to you and I'm willing to make an effort in that area for you..we hear ily and may feel that because you have made the effort to speak our language we should then make the effort to speak yours and not look for sex as often.
there is also another little twist too...if the hd spouse feels that the ld spouse is simply participating in sex because of an obligation and not becuase they truly "want" to express themselves physically it takes away from the "feeling" it becomes just sex..an act being performed for your (the hd spouse) benifit wich can then lead the hd spouse to feel guilty and selfish for wanting or "needing" you to make that change for them. so then I suppose it more of what I said earlier.
hope that makes some sense, it really is a confusing issue for both the high and low desire partners.
