Monkey on a string

[NOPkins]

Hi, AM.

I understand the insane, anger and frustration. The nice thing about all that, is that the cure is simple and can be quick.

First thing I suggest you do, and the hardest, is to get a grip on the anger. It will only make matters worse. I am still getting used to the idea that I don't have to walk around in a defensive posture, ready to sull up at a moments notice. That behavior will likely cause more harm than good. At least it did for me.

Get the book, let her find it and read it. Try to be nice. Especially try to be open and available to her should she want to discuss the issue. She is probably aware of the problem, and clueless as to what she can do about it.

Don't focus all the blame on her. It is your problem too. It isn't all her fault. I promise you, at the end of the day when all is well again, you will be suprised at the role you played in your relationship getting to this point.

If you read all my posts, you will see an angry man in the beginning. I spent years cultivating it. I do instense and angry much better than I write about it. I can't imagine what it was like for her to live around it, even though I was convinced it was her fault. She made me suffer, so I cut her off emotionally. I exuded nasty toward her. I loved her and that unfulfilled need made me hate her intensely at the same time.

What I was too dense to realize, and it is admittedly difficult to see through all that emotion, is that the problem, regardless of it's origin, was *OUR* problem, not mine or hers to address.

Fixing it was relatively easy. Like any problem you;
a) identify it
b) assume responsibility for your part of it
c) do something about it.

You might think you are the only one that has eaten a steady diet of crow for so long, but it likely isn't going to be that one-sided.

Deal with your anger, then with your relationship.

That's my $0.02 worth. Let us know how it goes!

In much less pain these days,
-NOPkins-