Thanks, folks. My support net seems to have dwindled to you two!
OK: Quick question and how to proceed.
As you may recall, I made a mistake and asked D17 if W. was dating because she had mentioned it on the parent portal, the only way we can communicate with her at her school (as you may recall, she was troubled beyond belief, and we sent her to this school in Utah for kids that are way out of control). Much of her issues had to do with relationship with W. who is pure raw emotion. They would fight always, even physically.
At that point D17 started to engage me about the “positives of divorce” “You know Mom’s emotions control the family, and if Mom is happy, we’re all happy”. I believe this was because of counselor-W.-D17 sessions on the phone. I did ask D17 if “Mom was talking about Divorce” I know….wrong….bad…….never again…..period.
W. shot back that if I wanted to know about her personal life I could ask her. If she wanted a divorce, I could ask her. She did not know why D17 mentioned dating, but she had developed a close friendship with her 65 year old boss, who by all indications is a happily married attorney she works for. I already knew this and wrote about it months ago.
I wrote her back and said that kids were confused by her relationship with boss. D14 was creeped out by his presence, and D17 called her a “whore” at one point, which I promptly shut down, and admonished her for. (They do feel what they feel, however)
I told her if she was dating, I couldn’t stop it.
She wrote back and told me that “I shouldn’t put the kids in the role of my support” Got it. Did that long ago, when I really came unglued. Embarrassing to talk about. I shouldn’t have asked D17 the question. I understand that.
She went on to say that she assumed that I was saying the same things to D15, which I have not, but that D15 WOULD NOT TELL HER WHAT WE TALK ABOUT! Wouldn’t it seem that she did the same thing she asked me not to do? Ask the kids about what I said? She also said “This is hard enough on the kids already”
This is where I lose it. It IS hard enough on the kids. What part of this will ever get easier for them? They will go through life with a broken family. We’re all supposed to buy into the “Good Divorce” thing? This is where I just want to write back and say “THIS IS ALL YOUR CHOICE!!!” I know I have to be strong for my kids, but in no way will I own the fact that the family will be separated. I have been patient, understanding, validating through 2 years of being beat up, and “standing in the pocket” taking it.
COG might tell me to unload at this point. Noting is working after 2 years anyway. You’re right…it is hard on them. Hello????????
Do I respond? How do I respond. I want to shake her at this point!
