tough night last night. finally settled into bed, but couldn't focus on my book so put some 1st season gilmore girls on. need that strong/happy single mother story I guess. ended up falling asleep by 11:30, but was up again at 12:30 with my daughter needing the bathroom. ugh. I was sound asleep and then I wasn't and didn't think I ever would get back. thankfully I did, eventually, so got a few hours in.
rainy day here. I db'd my kids this morning...just agreed with them about yes, it is fine to go outside and play in the leaves, go have fun with that. its cold and rainy out, they kept insisting and I finally just went with it. they were back inside in about 15 seconds. lol. wish h's were like that.
he called this morning to say hi to the kids and sounded really stiff and backed off. It could have been the fact that he was tired (he left at 5am for the drive down to ct, said he was nauseous he was so tired), or it could be that he is truly backing off from me because he knows what is coming on saturday, he has made his choice. who knows.
either way, in spite of the stiffness, I acted as if and asked how he was. he sounded surprised when I asked how he was, but answered. then he did his own 180...asked nothing about me or about my day. again, could be that he was tired, could be that he is done. no way to know. just thought that was interesting. told him to drive safe and that was that.
gym this morning, then making the list for my therapy tomorrow. other than that, will play with the kids, and take advantage of the rainy day to just chill out and read a bit. going to read a bit in DR, but also finally start, "what could he be thinking." think that one might be a good one to have under my belt for saturday. I don't expect H to come by tonight, even though he said he might on the way back from ct. if he does, will take myself to the library to read a bit more, I think.
breathing in, breathing out. glad I have a little time to prepare, I really need it.
I do think he is going to go with the, "I'm doing this for you" bit, btw. and I need to really have some good rote responses to it. crap, that.
Last edited by morgan; 10/24/0711:56 AM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
