Well, I really lost it today. My worst backslide ever!
Briefly, my D's school holds a program every October in lieu of a Halloween party. As her parents, it was agreed that my W and I would attend, even though we're separated. What she didn't tell me and I just learned today was that she also invited the OM to attend. This even though my S and I have lomg made it clear to the W that we will have nothing to do with the OM. As background, the one thing I haven't yet been able to forgive my W for is her campaign to replace me as D's father with the OM. So it is a very sensitive button with me.
When I found out, I came unglued. I have never lost control like that! I immediately called the W and asked her what she was thinking. She was defiant as usual, and I became enraged, saying that "of all the shi**y things she has done, this is the shi**iest," She said she could do anything she wanted, and I then called her a f***ing a**hole and a bitch. I said I was D's father, not f**ing [OM]. When I started in about how she had had an empathy bypass, she hung up.
Oddly, she e-mailed me after she hung up and said:
"In response to your call, [OM] and I have decided to forgo his attending this year."
Well, there you have it. Not a good performance by me, especially the name calling. In 16 years of marriage I never did that. I will make sure to force myself to take time to cool off before I call next time.
The only silver lining is that this turned out to be a 180 for me. The W's biggest complaint when she dropped the bomb was that I was "shut down" emotionally. She experienced the opposite of that today with me. It appears that my outburst shook her up. It was unlike anything she had seen of me in all our time together. Still, it was a net negative in terms of DBing. I will do better from now on.
Any feedback is welcome.
LL
M 63 W 40 M 4/91 S14/D9 bomb 7/6/07 D filed 8/3/07 final 2/4/08 thread
