22 years and no communication

[Goingdownhill]

Hi Cat - Thanks for the great advice. Yes, we have talked about marriage counseling. Problem is I suggested one and then he got offended that I picked one out that had religious beliefs. Although he believes in God. He was also a man so maybe that made him feel threatened. I have no idea. But I then said, "fine I'm okay if you pick one out". I've left it in his court to move forward with the counseling together but deep down in side I know he'll never make the move. We went to one many years ago and all he does with it is use it as more ammo against me in arguments. I frankly have forgotten what she told me to do other than she said we should write down our goals. We never got to that and now its been 10 or 11 years later.

I've considered going it alone with the religious guy although he does both non christian and christian counseling. And I've also considered contacting the hotline here. But I got confused by Michelle's books. I think in the first chapter she said sometimes therapists just focus on getting you to "happy again" and not trying to save the marriage. If happy is divorced then that might be the answer for some therapists. So I got concerned and started reading more here. I don't want a divorce. I just want to try to find out how we can fix what is wrong. What real life problems we all are struggling with? I know I'm not alone anymore so that is good. But I just have so many questions and need guidance.