I've been a good father and husband. Married for 27 years. That's the good part. here is the bad part.
I have spent the last 10+ years mostly sleeping alone. Sex at best is once a month, and lately, it is very good monthly sex. Maximum effort being once a month, normal efforts resulting in sex every three to six months.
My drive is just a wee bit different. Early days of our relationship, daily is ok, 2+ times a day better. I am not some sexual addict, I just love to do it. In the early days of our relationship, we did it mostly every day. That was a good compromise I thought.
Constant rejection of sexual advances. "I'm just not interested." "We just can't get our timing down" "If you can treat me just right all day, and catch me in the right mood between 5:30 and 5:45, we might do it". "I just ate, you know I don't feel sexy after I eat". "I don't feel good about myself right now. I need to lose some weight"
And after a famous day of doing everything just right, "Maybe tomorrow" as she drifts off to sleep on the couch. That one has happened so many times I can't count them.
Most tactics for avoidance involve sleep. Pass out on the couch at 7:30pm. Wake up at 3:00am, read news groups for a while, back off to sleep at 5:00am. It is my fault that I didn't get interested in her at an hour that she might be intertested in me. It is also amazing that the only time she might be interested is around 6:00pm, my absolute bottom of the day. It only lasts for an hour or so, but we all have some time of day when we are really slagged. Even if I decided to try at 6:00, some new rejection would loom.
I have got to be the biggest smuck on the planet. Mr Smart, all tied neatly to a string. Sure, I waive my arms about wildly, climb the walls, scream, masturbate, basically go ape-sh*t , but I am still tied to that damn string. Time to cut free and salvage what few years I have left.
Bottom line; She does NOT love me. Regardless of the claim. I have been an utter fool and wasted many years of my life in a loveless relationship, doing "the right thing".
God how I hate being a putz. Logic is my favorite pastime, and I have still been conned and played for a fool. I hate myself for that.
Oh, don't think we haven't talked about it. I am insane from thinking about it. WE have talked about it so many times. There is never any resolution. I have tried for a decade to stick this out, but I would have to be a fool to continue. There is NO "other woman". There is no time or opportunity for that. If there was, I would probably have awakened long ago from this nightmare. There are worse relationships. Ours has been dilligent, forthright (in all aspects except sex), kind and non-abusive. I love my wife. I love her very much. She is the ONLY woman I have ever loved. She is also driving me insane. She obviously does NOT love me. I wish she did. If she does, then she is either unwilling, or unable to make any changes. Obviously, if that is true, then I am an idiot for wasting even one more minute trying to repair the unrepairable.
Please don't fixate on me worrying about how people perceive me. I am conscious of many things, but I really don't mind being a temporary "fool for love". In fact, I have been just that on many occasions, and for an extended period of time. I am really sure that I don't have any such patience left. For a decade, I have tried to be sweet, attentive, ,etc. ad nauseum. I did those things because I really do want to. What I get in return, is a peaceful wife sleeping happily on the couch. A well loved, and cared for person, while the arbitor of the happiness is seething inside with resentment. Since I am not a saint, this must be some insane obsession to put myself through this time and again.
All I ever wanted from our relationship was to be wanted. I don't care if the house is a mess, or if she gained a few pounds. We are now relatively well to do, even though we both still work very hard. Everything is paid for. At a time when we could enjoy some real peace together, I have run completely out of patience. I may still be going ape-sh*t, but the string is getting loose and my activity level is no longer that of the newly captive...
I have read the book, she has read some of it. I am open for suggestions, or I wouldn't have posted. At this point in time, I have tried just about everything. Celibacy is NOT an option. I have been there, I am there. Why do people do this to each other? What a waste.
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
