Separated and W has a BF.

[RedHeadWife]

Well, you can't control her behavior, so that's #1. She needs to do what she needs to do and in the long run deal w/ her decisions, actions, etc. and live w/ that.

Staying loving, supportive, etc. w/o controling is also the key here. You can SHOW her in your calm voice, your helpfulness when she needs help w/ the D's, etc. that you still love her, however, you need to back off on you contacting her constantly. Let her do the contacting. LET HER MISS YOU. You need to blow off anything that she says that may start an argument. I know that sucks, but as long as you can stay calm w/ her, you can vent here later.

I still think if she talks to you about her R w/ OM, I would say something along the lines of "W, I enjoy that we can still talk, etc., but you talking to me about OM hurts me a lot b/c I still love you."

You have been doing well, and she probably realizes that she's making an A$$ of herself, but she's going to go back & forth during the process of getting through this. She needs to wake up on her own and realize where she really should be and then there will be the process of her having to swallow her pride and getting to the point where she will admit that she's been wrong and wants to come back.