Don't beat yourself up about your D - not only one day will she understand - she will think you 'rock' and will have benefitted so much from the role model her mother has shown her.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I know the "hate" you feel, but you (and I) have to get beyond that. It's tough to realize that the person you thought you'd love forever is "lost" somewhere. I think I am at my best when I feel that it IS over and I start to look beyond this situation to what I will have to do when I get home. I've heard this advice before, acting "As if" it is over, but keeping the door open. It's part of the whole "detaching" process, but is so much easier siad than done.
We lose more than a spouse, however. We lose a family, no matter how good of a spin others try and put on it.why these WASs perform "Mother/Father-ectomies" becasue they are not "satisfied" is beyond me. I always thought "Family over self", but htey don't. Hang in there.
You are so right about that ,FLTC. It is as if we are not even playing in a fair fight or something?? As if it is a dirty fight where we play by the rules and they do not have to. They can lie and cheat and steal and do anything for damage control while we have to tell the truth, remain faithful, and keep accounts of everything.
I have to still be a role model in every aspect of my life. Even while I am at the bar I am on stage. At my D's school, I am a dutiful mother. As a teacher, I still have my profile up which shows me as a married woman, for some reason I think it gives me more credibility but in reality I think the truth would be better?
Even while people say condolences regarding my separation at the bar, I say, "My H and I are still best friends. You'll never hear a bad thing out of my mouth." That diffuses so much gossip and believe me the gossip about his emo affair and MLC and etc. is pretty bad even for a bar filled with ex cons and drug dealers!
Yes, the emo thing is very childish and the word and music comes from "emotional". It actually went out of style a few years ago in California and the Look is now mainstream, available at JCPenneys and such. The skinny jeans, sweat hoodies, effeminate hair styles, sunglasses, anorexia, political causes that seem pointless. It is about conformity and my H was always a non conformist to a fault. I am sure he is doing all this to impress his mistress.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
hey mk. how are you doing today? I'm guessing a bit wiped out from working so much. are you off tonight? hope you have a little time to take care of you.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Hi all! I am still dark with the contact but not with the phone. We talked but only about the kids. I got the kids portraits back from JCPenneys and thought about giving H a framed one for his birthday tomorrow but then another trigger. Where the heck does he even sleep? Is he living with this mistress? Is he still couch surfing? Does he sleep on a boat with his dead beat friend? No, where the heck would he hang a framed picture???
No. we'll just bake him some cupcakes.
I do fret over his Bday card. Wondering what to actually write. He sounds so depressed and I hear he looks awful. I am sure his life must be so empty and shallow. I know he must blame me while also feeling guilty. How long can this R/ affair last if he really has nothing to offer? I guess he has to hang on to OW since he has lost everyone else's respect.
The betrayed wife on Oprah wrote a poignant letter to the OW. She ended the letter by saying, "You are worth much more than to have a man that would leave his wife and children. From one woman to another, I know you can do better than to have a man like that." Or something like that!!!
BTW, one of my students stood up and cried after readingher journal entry about her father. She wrote that she never sees him but that he calls her once a week. She said she misseshim a lot. Sooo sad! So the girl next to her hugged her and said, "I miss my Dad too. I haven't seen him since I was threee. But he kind of died." Then she shrugged her shoulders and smiled. It was so sweet.
Last edited by mkultra; 10/24/0705:31 AM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
MK, how sweet about those little girls. I guess that is why they try to say kids are resilient. IT is not resilience. It is survival. There is a difference. I just want to give them both big hugs.
You are sounding much better today.
Give H a wallet size photo or maybe something he can put in his car. I think he will really appreciate that. Funny, my H's B-day is coming up and I have been agonizing trying to figure out how to handle it. I want so much to do what we have always done-a little get together/party, cake, presents. Obviously that is out of the question. I thought of putting together a photo album of the kids, but I saw this photo frame/alarm clock today that I think I will get (from the kids of course).
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
oh man, mk, very sad and very sweet about the girls. breaks my heart, but at the same time the fact that they can empathize with each other is a wonderful thing.
I think a wallet sized pic is perfect, along with the cupcakes.
I know this will be a hard day for you. take care, and stay strong
(((HUGS)))
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
