Hi Cat, I think runningoutoftime (root?) is partly right, but since I too am feeling the lack of affection, I have a slightly different take.
Mainly, showing affection seems to fill like pressure to the WAS, at least my WAS. She feels that I then expect her to respond in kind. Even if I don't, even if I don't expect anything, she precieves it differently. So I'm not affectionate. The more 'standoffish' I am, the more little, tiny, baby steps she takes toward me physically. (i've a feeling I should be running a spell check on this, but hopefully it'll make sense anyway).
Good point Login! Sometimes that works better for some situations. It's probably best to try both ways; space or no space (without being overly affectionate), and see how it works. I know with my husband, if I pull away affection he'll just keep going. It won't bring him closer. Also, I'm very affectionate by nature. I'm affectionate to my kids, pets, family members and close friends... so it's unnatural for me not to show affection. However, my husband naturally seems to pull away from that. So I can't take it personal.
But every person and every situation is different so looking carefully at the relationship, how a spouse might be reacting, and also not taking it personal if they aren't touchy-feely can sometimes be helpful.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
