You are right... that's what the 48-hour rule is for. But we've all backslided before. It is times like these that help you truly learn the lessons. I know I could have followed it (even recently) more times than I made myself. We have to be accountable to ourselves... that is what matters really.
It didn't usually help me to beat myself up over everything I did wrong, every backslide. What I do find that works is sitting quietly (after screaming and crying if needed), belly breathing, journaling, just loving myself... treating myself like I'd want a friend to treat me. I'd get out the anger/frustration/etc, and then force myself to lovingly accept everything as it is. Don't forget to accept that you are not perfect. Accept the consequences of your actions and choices. Then pick yourself up and dust yourself off. It's okay, this is challenging stuff. (to say the least) Next time, don't leave yourself an out so easily. You will get better and better at this. Make sure you recognize your own baby steps.
My H also did the crazy MLC-spending. Thousands of dollars a month for several months. And I still handle the bills too (except for one credit card, and credit lines he's opened since), even after my H's been gone for a year now. I know how hard it is. It does give us some control over the sitch though, in our positions. I think it's a very personal decision how you will deal with the financial aspect. What works for one, is not what works or feels healthy or right to another. M is a financial partnership too, especially in states like mine. We do have a say in regards to the finances. Can't control our H of course, but we do get to choose how we want to deal with the situation and protect ourselves or not. Lucky us, yeah? My H recently told me he is F'd financially. One more thing to help him bottom out, IMHO.
Hope that helps.
Peace and love. f21
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
