CVA - Not sure I have figured anything out?

[Nomopo]

What I am wondering right now is that I assume this (emphasis added} is not a good technique to getting a R back, because it is like a failing marriage, it just "happens" vs. a concerted wake up call of a 180, me moving out, whatever. Subtle vs. a Hammer.

Oooh this is a real nugget CVA. I am champing at the bit. By "this" above, I assume you mean either:

1. Not talking the R problems out

As you know, i would like to just talk it out one way or another but....I suppose I have accepted that I cannot do anything about that.

or

2. Detaching

Every day I slowly pull back just a little more, I can sense it, I wonder if she can? Not trying to control that, it is really subconcious as much as my concious mind wants to DB and all that, it is happening in the back of my mind, "dont respond to that BS, it wont do any good CVA" You know what I mean?

There kind of similar anyway.

Actually, I believe this is the ONLY technique that will give you any chance, even though it may be slim. As long as you are trying to get her to talk, and or control her/your sitch, I think it is almost hopeless that she will come around. If she does, it will probably be for the wrong reasons (eg, golden handcuffs), and you want be in a satisfying M/R. Stated another way, every time you try to talk the R problems away or control her and her unhappiness in the M (eg, your sitch), you make it harder to save your M, and push her further away. If you are to save your M, I believe it will only be after you truly let go and give her the space she needs. She still hasn't gotten that. I know how scary and tough it is to do that, because you and I are a lot alike in this way (though in slightly different ways, I think, if that makes sense. But you have to do it man!

Anyways, chew on that for a bit. See if it makes sense.

Later,
Nomo

PS - Sorry I couldn't call you back yesterday. My night with the kiddos.