Maybe it's time to shake things up a little. Sometimes if something isn't working that you have been trying. Then try something else. What more could you have to lose at this point? If your at the end of your rope maybe it's time to tell her that. Maybe you two could try counseling?
I am curious has she said what she will tell the children? This always makes me the saddest. As a parent how could you chance losing respect from your children. They will look down on her as a mom. I am sure they will never want ole sweaty in their life. ICK!
Thanks for the thought. However, I am finished DBing. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not going to go back to begging, pursuing, etc. But I am growing tired of working on something that she does not want. She has made clear her intent to pursue a divorce, so I feel like I am wasting time, emotion, hope, and energy trying to save something that may, in fact, be already dead.
So henceforth my focus will be on moving on with my life. Regarding counseling, the subject has come up - counseling on how to co-parent. I'm not going to bring it up. The choice on where to go from here is hers.
What will she tell the children? I don't know, but she knows that I will not let her get away with saying, "We have decided to get a divorce." It' going to be more like, "Mom wants a divorce," and she does not want to be the "bad guy."
I think that by now she knows that her boyfriend is a phantasm. She knows he is not a long-term solution. I believe that she is still talking to him - maybe still having sex, but I have no way of knowing either. But, as I said, I have moved on, and she is free to make choices with her life. If that's what she wants, I have freed her to pursue it. I have done all that I can.
From here on, my actions will be focused on me and my kids. I need to move on.
Mark - re-read your post -- what you've decided to do IS DB'ing at it's very best. A lot of times, it takes the LBS to get to this point, where THEY are honestly *done* for the WAS to figure out that they are about to lose EVERYTHING.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Mark - re-read your post -- what you've decided to do IS DB'ing at it's very best. A lot of times, it takes the LBS to get to this point, where THEY are honestly *done* for the WAS to figure out that they are about to lose EVERYTHING.
I completely agree with RHW. It's sad that it often comes to this point, but OTOH it is also often inevitable. We can't control our WAS's, we can only control ourselves.
Whatever happens between W and you, Mark - focus on you for now. Be happy.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Thanks Rob & RHW. I agree with both of you as well. I guess I am DBing at the "graduate level" now. A senior fellow, if you will.
It is difficult for me to be happy, though. I cannot help but think of what she is willing to put my kids through... I am strong. I will thrive. I can't say the same for my kids...
