Yes, I discovered my thread had locked! Thanks for visiting. Now on to yours...lol.
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Hmm... sounds appealing to ME, at least.. but i'm not sure how I can do that, without seeming rude to HER.
She has, in the past, blocked positive guestures from me, for some number of days/weeks after some fight, with, "I'm still mad at you over ..."
If she keeps bringing it up any time I try to be nice...
Number one......stop being nice whenever she brings it up....you apologized.....that's enough. She is using you! Number two....if you appear to be rude to her....she can get over it. What you have done so far hasn't worked anyway. What do you have to loose? She is using you Dom. How do I know....by what you said about the positive gesters. She is using it all to her advantage. I saw girls in high school act this way with their boyfriends, but it is sad to think grown women use this technique. It is a technique, Dom. You need to wake up to that fact. I can't believe she has gotten away with it all this time. She must be very good or very cleaver about it.
Ok, I see her as a woman who throws a fit to get her way. Maybe she doesn't exactly throw a "fit" but instead, she is saying by her actions....."You had better do everything just the way I want...or else I will make your life miserable by showing you just how mad I can be at you!" Apparently, she is the type of female who can hold onto a grude a long time.....that is worse than blowing up and getting over it. That is a form of blackmail. Plus, she knows you DomR! She knows that you believe in practicing good manners and that yes...you are going to be "polite" to her. So, do a 180 and walk away when she is not using polite manners and showing her rudeness. Why should you stay there and be beaten up by this woman? You don't have to mean about it....just inform her that you are not going to discuss it anymore or that you have said all you intend to say on that subject and tell you you are leaving now. Then stay cool and calm....and just walk away and leave her in her stew.
I know for a fact that my H would walk away from me and I can tell you that I don't play those games with him. Yes, in the past it would make me furious for him to leave when I wanted to fight! But, guess what.......I learned to control my temper (and I also learned I couldn't control him), and I have learned not to keep bringing up things from the past that should be forgotten. When somebody says that they are sorry for .....whatever.....if the other person is not mature enough to do the right thing....then they do not deserve to be treated with politness. Some females (and I'm not saying that your W is one of these, but if the shoe fits.....)find ways of punishing their H over and over again. For some, it is a means of controll.
Anyway, I strongly believe that if you tried this that you may find (eventually)the solution to the problem. It may make her extremely furious the first time (as soon as she gets over the shock)but if you will stick to your guns.....she has no choice but to stop playing her little game. She cannot be a winner if you refuse to play the game. That is what you are doing by walking away.......you are refusing to play her game. Don't look at it as being rude. (And, don'tuse that as an excuse,either,) To me, it is the manly thing to do instead of staying there and letting her do her "job" on you. I can tell you from a woman's POV that as long as you allow her to get away with doing that....she will not respect you! Did you hear that? No woman will respect a man that she can do that to. That is something she probably did when she was a little girl.........she kept certain people dancing to her music by telling them she had not let them off the hook yet b/c she was still mad at them over....whatever. God! It makes me mad to think about her doing that! Does she do that with the children also? I bet they never get through paying penitence! That is what she is wanting you to do, you know, pay and keep paying penitence until she says it's enough (and of course, it never is enough). I wouldn't be surprised if that is not why you two are S now.....it is your punishment. (You bad boy, you!)If she thought you were always trying to be the "controller" in the R.....perhaps that was her way of taking back the control. Hummmmmmmmmm...........
So, she is the real talker in the family, huh? Well, blow me down! So, do you have a hard time getting a word in edge-wise? I am trying to get a picture in my head. Perhaps I saw you as a talker due to the posts you had sent me. But, I was on target when I said you were a fixer. At least I got something right (lol). So, in doing all this talking, does she want to dominate the conversation and just talk about what she choses? If so, then she choses NOT to talk about the R.....right? Hummmmmm....... Again....control. It seems to me that it all keeps coming back to who has the most power between the two of you. I guess I could go back and read again the early stitch, but can you briefly tell me why you two never D and have settled for a S? Is she pushing for a D? Has there ever been OM?
Ok, I'll stop with the questions for a little while...lol. Hope you will evaluate what I've said and then let me know if I hit any targets. Remember how differently men and women think and act when you start to size this up. I will be anxious to hear from you. BTW, when is you next family day?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
