Dom, I'm of the frame of mind that if someone *insists* on holding a grudge and keeping you in a certain box (ie, "Dom is controlling") then it doesn't really matter what you do.
People have a great way of rationalizing their behaviors. The ego strives to be in control and not let the heart be in control. Someone that has decided you are a certain way will go to all extremes to 'prove it'.
Heck, the other night, my H (while drunk) went off on a rant about how he LOVES Lennon and I DONT like Lennon. (Not entirely true-Lennon is fine.) It was obvious he was trying to put this 'arrow' into the quiver of "why we shouldn't be together". Stupid.
I did read somewhere that even when someone is being irrational (in our eyes) they are not being irrational in their eyes. The trick is to find out what the real issue is. To try to see it from their perspective and then approach it with understanding so they no longer have to "defend" their position.
Easier said than done and maybe all you can do is set appropriate boundaries and not let her use that sort of emotional/no-win bludgeoning.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
