Don't think that this may break the M - think that this will show you how strong the M is!!! You will come across upsets as you go. It won't all be peace and harmony from now on BUT what you are doing is learning how to prblem solve BEFORE things get out of hand again. It is just another step along the journey.
My H and I have down periods and I expect life will be like that. It's just now we have learnt to try to talk about things. I still have days when I think that if I don't do what he wants he will have another A but they are transitory things - underpinning it all is that we both WANT to be together and so we will find ways to make it work. That is what you have to do here.
you will get through this and be stronger for it.
(((HUGS)))
saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I so hope so, but I just keep coming back to why he is basically put her and this friendship before our marriage. I can't and wount be second to anyone, and if he can't see that then I truly don't think that there is a point to continue. I am 42 yrs old, and I want more out of life, and I can't wait around to see if he is truly going to ever put me first. So I guess we will see what today brings, but in my heart I feel that this is going to end badly.
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
I so hope so, but I just keep coming back to why he is basically put her and this friendship before our marriage. I can't and wount be second to anyone, and if he can't see that then I truly don't think that there is a point to continue. I am 42 yrs old, and I want more out of life, and I can't wait around to see if he is truly going to ever put me first. So I guess we will see what today brings, but in my heart I feel that this is going to end badly.
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
((((Limbo))) BTDT! You know all that I have gone through - I feel your pain. This stuff ebbs and flows. It will get good again, it will get worse again, but what matters is how you are going to handle it. I certainly don't have it all figured out - my thread is proof enough of that - but I know that I never truly know what my H is thinking and feeling. I find that I always assume the worst with him and that he wants someone other than me, when according to him that isn't how he feels and more accurately he has felt rejected by me. And I can see how he would have felt that in the past. I think Saffie is right in that you are going to have to find a way to make this work - it's a process. He needs to feel accepted by you before he can open up and share with you and likewise you need to feel accepted by him. I don't know the best way for you to communicate that to him - but you might. He wouldn't have gone to Retro if he didn't care. Hang in there! All is not lost.
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
Thanks for checking in, we did get things resolved,but we went around it again last night, and a couple times it was close to us saying it was over. But we didn't. This morning H apologized for putting me through all of this, and told me he loves me very much. We will be canceling the tat for now, but h is going to reschedule when he cancels, and I am happier with that, I think we should wait alittle just to make sure things are back on track. He understands, plus I have a wicked cold right now, so I don't think our tattoo guy would appreciate me coughing and sneezing!!! So now I feel better, yesterday I had a knot in my stomach all day because it wasn't resolved. I just hope H doesn't let me down again, and I am going to believe that he wount, I have to or there is certainly no point carrying on!
Thank you all again for the support!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
I am in a funny mood with my H at the moment and in the end I decided to contact him today and talk about it. I get so when it doesn't feel right even though I need to talk with him to get through how I feeel i recoil and hide instead. H then senses something is wrong and pursues me and i the run away and aviod issues even more. I am having to teach myself to deal with things rather than sweep them under the carpet and let them fester. I am not good with confrontation. Anyways, H called me back and chatted and we gradually resolved things. It is hard but it gets easier with each time.
Things will seem a lot better as well when you are well again!!! I know exactly what you mean about a knot in your stomach - I get that - it's horrid.
You take care.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
The one good thing is I have dropped a few pounds!! Nothing like the DB diet!!! I is so hard to talk sometimes, especially with my h as he is the one who pushes things under the rug, and that for me was what the problem was, it truly hadn't be resolved, and to be honest, he still truly doesn't get what my problem was. He was saying alot about me trying to control who he talks to, and have him come to me for permission, but that wasn't it at all. I think for me it was him putting me first, that he should think is what I am doing really appropriate, and think about me instead of putting himself first, and I think finally this may have gotten through to him alittle bit, at least the seed is planted. I still believe is is going to continue to talk to this person, and I hope it will die down on its own. but I realize i have to let it go, or it will eat me alive!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
