Thanks so much for those words of support; they really helped before I went to sleep last night. I woke up all night long---think I'm getting a cold---but that's not too surprising, I guess.
ST, I totally get what you're saying about dating, but I've decided to go for a drink tonight. I'm more nervous about the question, "So why haven't you been around?" than losing control and doing something I regret.
I, too, am concerned that H may be in a worse spot in a couple years than he is now, but he's a grownup and will deal. It's like folks are discussing on Nomo's thread: the WAS would rather take the plunge into the unknown or even unhappiness than stay, and that says a lot.
And my H's position strikes me as unusual, in that he says he's not unhappy but would be; there won't be any way to look back and say hey, if I had stayed I might not have been unhappy---too many negatives to prove.
Hey CVA, yeah, you know, I *am* pretty proud of myself. Last night's talk was hard for me. I'm not a crier by nature, and it takes a lot for me to break down, especially in front of someone else (most especially H). He didn't move to comfort me at all, but he certainly got the gravity of the talk.
Today he sent me an email saying many kind things, including that that was the most honest conversation we've had in a long time and it "means a lot" that I was willing to be vulnerable. Hey, one long-ago, half-forgotten goal met!
And CVA, no worries about the scanning! I was teasing. I know you type-As don't have time to read each word of everything that comes across your screen---no time! Heim's right.
Thanks for stopping by, NaTo. The support means a lot to me. I hope you're doing well, too.
I'm feeling a lot better today. Other things H said in his email: he's committed to a fair and peaceful split; he's committed to supporting us so I won't have to work (?); he's committed to being honest; and he trusts me.
He also apologized again for being so grumpy, said it wasn't directed at me but I must have felt it; said he's working hard at getting his head out of his a$$ (says he'll need forceps, it's lodged in there so well).
And last night we both expressed the fact that we have no interest in checking up on the other: what we're spending money on, what's on our respective computers, etc, and that was a relief.
Got two decent-size project offers yesterday, so I feel good about that, too.
Thanks for being there! One more small, painful hump successfully navigated. I'm taking care. You do, too.
Heim's right.