Thanks for writing. I was about to think nobody loved me anymore (lol). Yes, I did try to show him that I appreciated the flowers and his show of concern for me. I have to tell you something funny, though. I was having a terrible time with allergies. Went to the doctor a couple of times for shots and meds. Anyway, when the fresh flowers came.....guess what happened? Yep! They had some kind of wild grass or weed or something in there that just triggered my allergies all over again. I knew I could not keep them on my desk, so I took them home at lunch. Well, I could not stay in the front room with them, so I had to move them into the dinning room....lol. I finally had to pull that weed out and then everything was ok.
Yes, Dom I am sitting next to him. I said everything was back to normal, but really it is a lot better than before. As I told you, we treat each other a lot nicer. Before, he had gotten where he spoke to me in a not so nice way and I resented it a lot. Then, in return, I would not speak so sweetly to him either. So, that has stopped and I think we are more careful in how we talk to each other. He has been so good to do jobs around the house, and especially to cook when I am feeling bad. We kiss and tell each other good-bye and that we love each other. That may not seem like a lot to some folks, but knowing how strained it had been for so long.....I feel that we have covered some ground. It seems that he has been able to put the past year behind us and move forward. I am still struggling with some issues in forgiving myself and not feeling like a hypocrite at church, etc. I know I have made things right with God, but maybe I'm harder on myself. It shames me to no end when I think about what I did. I look back and wonder who that woman was! I have to admit that there have been some low moments for me when I struggled with depression, but I will not place my MR in danger again by making such stupid decisions as to get involved with any person or activity that is not healthy for my M. My rule of thumb (so to speak) is that if it can't include my H or I would not feel comfortable if he was watching, then I don't need to be doing it. As I told another person last night......I don't believe in "friendships" with the opposite sex that does not include the spouse. Believe me......I learned my lesson the hard way.
So, all in all, things are much better. Even if we never reach the point of sexual activity again......I want us to have a intimate closeness in other ways....if that makes sense. I know Dom, you won't think that is acceptable, but right now, I would settle for that. I have given up the "fantasy" that I went through when I was involved with OM and have accepted what my reality is. I want to make the most of a relationship with my H......regardless of what that may or may not lead to. I just want to be relaxed and not be unhappy and uptight all the time. I do hope that things will keep getting better until the sexual activity will return to the MR.....and I have not given up on that, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not going to stress out about it at this time. We have too much other stress in our lives where our children are concerned. We are very concerned over the health of our D. That takes priority in our hearts at the moment.
Again, thanks for droping in to see me. I hope to hear from you again very soon. You guys help keep me going.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
